I moderated the draft, because not enough of you people voted for me in the last IR Draft. Basically that means I just got the arduous task of writing the draft up for this post. I did however have to make a decision detailed in someone's pick. Feel free to let me know in the comments if you think it was a bad decision.
Also, since I couldn't participate we brought in a guest drafter whom I believe suggested the topic in the first place. If you like what he had to say you can follow Guest Ben on twitter.
The rules of the draft go like this:
- Snaking order, which means if you draft first in the first round, you draft last in the last round (the order is randomly determined)
- 3 rounds
- Each pick contains a brief description of why the pick was taken
- You all vote on who had the best draft
The order is as follows:
You know what that little guy in blue is saying? No he's not saying uh-oh here comes a Tyrannosaurus Rex, king of the dinosaurs, nor is he worried about the Gigantosaurus that is approaching. He's saying "HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT'S A SPINOSAURUS!" The biggest carnivorous dinosaur EVER.
This is a SPINOSAURUS, not a Gigantosaurus
I'm going to have to go with Velociraptor here. Specifically the Jurassic Park variety. Pack hunters who are as smart as dolphins with razor sharp teeth and claws, not to mention the one middle claw specifically for disembowelment. I present to you the smartest deadliest dinosaur of them all.
3) D Wheezy
For my first pick in the Immediate Regret Dinosaur draft I pick...
Well so far we have the biggest dinosaur ever known, and then one of the smartest (according to fiction writer Michael Crichton) ever known (also, technically, the raptors used in Speilberg's film version of Jurassic Park were the Deinonychus - no, I didn't have to wiki that information (SUB PARENTHESIS - Michael Crichton doesn't believe in global warming, by the way)).
So why don't we go ahead and combine the two? I give you - the largest of the 'Raptor' family - the UTAHRAPTOR.
Not only was this the largest and most badass of all the raptors, but he's got a fantastic and quirky sense of humor - as portrayed in Dinosaur Comics
See? That guy is as big as a T-Rex. AND a Raptor. Can't beat that.
4) Guest Ben
I'm going to go ahead and pick a PTERODACTYL. These things were the first flying dinosaurs which basically means they could never be caught or killed. They could just swoop in and get whateva the fuck they wanted.
also they may still be alive. which makes them doubly badass
With the 5th pick of the draft, I select the Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Seriously, how did you guys let the T-Rex fall all the way to the 5th pick? Honestly, you guys just game me the draft. If we were playing Family Feud, and the question was "Name a dinosaur," T-Rex would have 75 or more of the 100 responses. People love the T-Rex. He's like the Kobe Bryant of dinosaurs - everybody hates the T-Rex unless he was on your team. Ross, no one would look up and say "Oh shit, here comes a spinosaurus!", they'd say "I have no clue what that is, but it can't be as bad as a f-ing t-rex!". The T-Rex is the premiere dinosaur and I can't believe I got him at the 5th pick. Here's a good video of a T-Rex.
Denver the Last Dinosaur
For the first pick of the 2nd round, I pick Denver the Last Dinosaur.
I already have the most bad ass dinosaur with the T-Rex and now I've got a dinosaur that wears sunglasses, skateboards, plays electric guitar, and can time travel and take me with him. This pick is a no-brainer.
[Moderator note - If you're gonna watch any video in the draft, please watch this one]
7) GUEST BEN
i did a report about these guys in 6th grade and it ruled. they head butt. like rams. I actually found the report on the internet. check it out
8) D Wheezy
T-Rex from Dino Riders
For my next pick I choose the T-Rex from the series "Dino-Riders"
This guy has mechanized front claw, armor plating, two turrent stations with laser cannons. I mean -I see like... 12 lasers from this one angle alone. And is that an effin' CIRCULAR SAW ON HIS SHIN!! COME ON!
Here's the commercial for this oh so sweet toy creation.
Here's an action video. 5:00 minute mark.
Ok after a lot of deliberation on the subject I came up with the perfect pick. Seriously you guys are all going to be in trouble... Or you were going to be in trouble since my pick was denied by our lovely moderator. My pick was going to be Godzilla. I will let that sink in a bit. There are several story lines that place Godzilla firmly in the dinosaur category, but awakened and mutated by atomic bombs and nuclear testing. Alas if I could only use this pick.
Luckily I had a back up. Instead I will choose Quetzalcoatlus. Since I didn't get to pick Pterodactyl I thought I would go with the largest flying animal of all time. This bad boy had a wingspan of around 40 ft. Check this out:
So while I don't think its as good as Godzilla, I think Quetzalcoatlus will do just fine.
I gotta admit Godzilla would have been impossible to top. I'm going to allow Josh from Second Grade is Cool to announce my next pick:
"The Anklyosaurus is the greatest armored dinosaur. Millions of years ago Anklyosaurus ruled the Earth. Anklyosaurus had a bony back, was larger than an elephant, and was long and spikey. It was related to Amotosaurs and the Sauroplites. The dinosaurs lived during the Cretaceous Period and lived in the high land, among hills, and valleys. There were no forests, just bushes and a few trees and cool weather. Anklyosaurus was a herbivore, it ate soft plants with its dull teeth. This is the life of the great armored Anklyosaurus."
Well put Josh. Although you forgot to mention it's clubbed tail that it can kill a T-Rex with. MM, I almost felt bad for you that my Ankylosaurus most likely fatally wounded your T-Rex in this video. Those poor motherless T-Rex babies. Then I thought wait, you broke rule numero uno: Don't fuck with Ankylosaurus!
PS- I'd like to outfit him with the Dino Rider Cross Bow
MM: Don't worry, Ross. Me, the T-Rex, and Denver would just time travel back in time and crush your Ankylosaurus' egg. That's the power of having a dinosaur that can time travel bitches.
Ross: -If you and Denver travel back and time and crush my ancestors egg you risk never being born! You even risk the internet never being created!
MM: Also, I'm fairly certain that if I traveled back in time, I would then become distinct from the time line and even if I am never born in the new timeline, I would still exist as the person who came back and caused the time disruption, so that's cool.
For my final pick I choose Rapticon.
Rapticon is a Dinobot from the Transformer Universe who is a guerrilla combat specialist. What more could you ask for than a Dinobot that the Transformers Wiki calls "big, strong, fast, and really smart?"
Well I'm gonna have to go with one of my favorites here and draft Triceratops. You really can't beat one of the most recognizable dinosaurs out there. Who didn't at one point wish they had giant horns to charge at people with?
I know I did.
13) D Wheezy
For my final pick in the IR Dinosaur Draft, I just the unstoppable: STEGOSAURUS.
Need proof? The veritable encyclopedia of dinosaur knowledge, "Jurassic Fight Club" has a game that proves my very point.
Go there. Choose Stegosaurus. Hit "Z" over and over again. You'll win.
Not only does it's armor plating protect it from any of the piddling dinosaurs that have been picked in this draft (with the exception of the 12+ laser circular saw toting Dino Rider T Rex) but it's got effin' KNIVES made of bone on its tail that could skewer the toughest of dinosaur skin.
Not only that... but Spike was clearly the coolest of the dinosaurs in "The Land Before Time". He didn't get down with any of that petty bush league drama that the rest of the dinos were all about (looking at you Sarah). He just wanted to get his grub on. And who can't relate to that.
For clarification - my pick is Stegosaurus. Not Spike. Just citing him as an example of the awesome-ness inherent to Stegs.
By the way, my score on "Turf Wars" was 303,400. Feel free to try and beat me.
14) GUEST BEN
my last pick in my first IR draft is Dino from the Flintstones.
He is a snorkasaurus.
The good thing about Dino is he may be the most loyal pet ever. Do your pets jump and run you down when you get home? Can he carry your baby around? Plus, I'm pretty sure he can understand english.
Anyway, with the last pick of the draft I select Yoshi.
Who doesn't love Yoshi? You can ride around on him, he can eat you and poop you out into an egg, turn into a giant egg and roll around, change colors, throw giant eggs, makes funny noises, and he's got a bunch of cool video games.
Ross: Spinosaurus, Anklyosaurus, Rapticon
Andy: Velociraptors, Quetzalcoatlus, Triceratops
DWheezy: Utahrapto, T-Rex on Dino Riders, Stegosaurus
Ben: Pterodactyl, Pachycephalosaurus, Dino
MM: T-Rex, Denver the Last Dinosaur, Yoshi