Pretend You Saw It: John Malkovich on SNL [SNL Recap]

Posted by Double M




John Malkovich hosted SNL this week. When I saw that a week ago, I was excited because Malkovich is the right kind of crazy/talented that the writers could do some really funny stuff with. And, ultimately, the show wasn't bad for an SNL. Unfortunately, if you only watch clips on Hulu you would never know this because it whoever makes the decisions of what to put on Hulu is an idiot.

Anyway, the show opened with something that is very exciting: the return of Amy Poehler. While she didn't do much in the show (just this and Weekend Update), she immediately vaults into her top tier position in my SNL cast member ratings. She opened as Hillary Clinton and did a fine job (worth a watch if you 5 minutes - just click on that link), but you'll pretty much get standard political jokes. I think SNL burned me out on political stuff. The line "Like the South, vampires, and Britney Spears, we will rise again," was said in reference to the Clintons, and that did make me laugh.

After that, Malkovich's opening monologue was him reading Twas the Night Before Christmas (NSFW audio in that link) in his own special way. The clip is worth a view just to see the ridiculous Christmas jacket and jeans with cuffs.

To be honest, every time I see John Malkovich all I can think about it is Con Air. Anyway, after listening to him offer Halls Metho-Lyptus and talk about sucking on pennies, things were looking up for the episode.

The next two skits may have been the best skits from the evening. The first was Bruce Johnson's Gas Right strips in which Fred Armisen's character creates "Breathe Right" strips for your butt so farts couldn't be heard. It was childish, hilarious, and compact. It would have been great on the internets, but, of course, it's not on Hulu. UPDATE: You can check out the skit here.

Then, Kristen Wiig played the "new hot chick" at an office that has all kinds of crazy quirks that turn off most of her coworkers. Unfortunately, this skit cannot really be explained - it has to be seen - but outside of the Jizz in my Pants skit (you'll see it in a few) this was the funniest skit of the night, and its not on Hulu.

After that, SNL rocked a semi-political skit with Barack Obama doing spoken jazz, Playing it Cool. TO be honest, it was boring and Fred Armisen is inconsistent as Obama - sometimes he nails the impression and other times he's just talking.

Moving on, one of the highlights of the night was in the skit Vinny Vececci Talks to John. Vinny is a recurring character SNL and he hosts an Italian talk show. Malkovich was a guest on the show but Vinny only speaks Italian which Malkovich can't understand. Like I said, its a recurring character, and the overall skit isn't all that funny, but I've cut a clip out that made me laugh quite a bit.

I cut that clip off right before Bobby Moynihan showed up. Be happy.

Virgania Horsen's Pony Express was the next skit and it is classified as a digital short on Hulu (and technically, a recurring character - Virgania was offering balloon rides last year). If it was a digital short, I assume it came without Samberg's handiwork because he too the week off to work on Jizz in my Pants (featured later I promise!). It was awful. For as many skits as Wiig is in, she's going to miss on a few of them.

After that, Malkovich and Armisen played two kids that were excited to get a calculator for Christmas. Unfortunately, the skit was not that funny and it got old really fast. I guess it could have been funny if it was about 2 minutes shorter.

After those two bombs, we were hit with Weekend Update. And with the return of Amy, Weekend Update is saved! The jokes just seemed to flow smoother. I don't know if Amy is that good or if Seth is just more comfortable, but it didn't feel forced this week. Sadly, they had three guests (2 mediocre and 1 awful this week. First, Keenan played Plaxico and was atrocious. Not only did he have some bad fake facial hair, but the skit was just Keenan talking. He makes no effort to learn how to do an impression. Kenan needs to be let go at the end of the season - I hope when they find a new person to play Obama that guy will replace Keenan as the token black guy on the show.

On the opposite end of the impression spectrum, Armisen played Boy George in the next cameo. I feel like Armisen really gets into every impression he has to do, even if its only a one-time, 5 minute thing (Keenan take notes!). The skit itself wasn't that funny though. To be honest, in the flow of the show it seems like they almost skipped this skit. Probably would have been better off if they did. Of course, both of these skits made it to Hulu.

The final cameo was Samberg as 9-year old David Rasmussen. He is based on the 9-year-old kid that has a self help book out about how to talk to girls. The concept of that book is ridiculous enough, but I saw an interview with the kid and he really annoyed me for no real reason. I found this skit enjoyable, but it may have been partially due to this bias. I've included it here so you can decide.

The next skit was "The Lost Works of Judy Blume." Both of the new girls played minor roles in this skit, but the highlight was a cross-dressing Malkovich playing a young girl going through "changes." This was a role built for Malkovich and he nailed it. Unfortunately, its not on Hulu (Seriously! Someone get this figured out!) but Videogum has a capture and I've included it. Watch it while it lasts!

After that was the real digital short and the best clip of the week, Lonely Island's Jizz in My Pants. It features cameos from the gorgeous Molly Sims (I miss Las Vegas), Jamie-Lynn Siegler, and Justin Timberlake. I've teased it enough, so go ahead and watch it.

Thanks goodness this made it to Hulu, it was the best thing of the night. Apparently this is the first single from the upcoming Lonely Island CD. I have no clue whether it will be good or not, but this single made me laugh.

The final skit from the night was John Malkovich on Broadway in J'accuzzi which is a "reimagining" of "Dangerous Liaisons" where the entire movie happens in a hot tub. It was a nice little filler but nothing to make or break the show.

The musical guest of the night was TI. He performed a Rock Remix of Whatever You Like which was actually pretty good (although you couldn't really hear his voice it totally could have been a lip syncing) and Swang Ya Rag which is like the 6th best song on his cd. He should have done Live Your Life with Rhianna.

Ultimately, it was a decent episode (although Sudeikis was nowhere to be found and Hader only did a small role in one skit), but Hulu is lacking. I'm looking for some (or all) of the videos that didn't make it to Hulu, so if someone has a link, let me know.