The Real Reason I Love the M/F Ratio

Posted by MajorLB



I'm in marketing which usually has more females, but in a technology company the ratio changes a bit. There's still a fair number of females in my office, but then this week I attended a conference that's more oriented towards technical sales people and the M/F ratio goes waaay up.



People often joke with me about the ratio like it's a dating pool. Lucky me that there's "all those guys around" and I can probably "get lots of attention" and "you'll have no problem getting a boyfriend". Holy hell, no. I think my last post pretty much established what a horrible concept these people have. Most of my coworkers are a)older, b)married, or c) something else. And also, wtf people - it's my job not a dating servics.



I digress. The real reason I love the high M/F ratio has more to do with fewer females than more males: BATHROOMS. I was particularly spoiled at Agile where I was supposed to be the only one using the female bathroom (I wasn't, but they at least didn't use it while I was in office.). It's awesome to not wait in line. The bathroom is so much cleaner and more pleasant to use. It actually keeps me in a better mood.

Be Kanye Is Absolutly Stupid

Posted by Double M




I'm a hip-hop guy and I love me some good Kanye, but sometimes he's full of himself/an idiot.

That said, I can't really blame him for these "Be Kanye" ads mainly because they are for Absolut and I have a feeling he got a fat paycheck to show up.

Maybe those are kinda clever. I don't know. What I do know is watching that guy drink the bottled water in that commercial is really disturbing. Go watch it again - it's weird. In any case, hears the "Be Kanye" drug in action and also what happens when it starts to wear off.

That is one skeevy dude. I'm not sure why Absolut would have a dude like that in these commercials. Really, I'm not sure why they went with this ad campaign. I know they are spoofing an infomercial so they're supposed to be cheesy, but all they do is remind me of the annoying Kanye, not the awesome Kanye.

Dr. Horrible on Hulu

Posted by Royalcow




I swear Wheezy must spend more time on Hulu than any other person I know. He is a one man buzz generator for the site since I don't think I have talked with him lately without him mentioning in a very casual manner what's new on Hulu that day. In any case, as he pointed out in the comments of my previous Dr. Horrible post, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog is now available on Hulu. For your viewing (and sing-along) pleasure I have embedded it below.

So for all of you suckers that bought it off iTunes I guess you will just have to enjoy it on your iPhones and such. Oh and I couldn't let MM get any more posts in before anyone else. So there.

Drama Kitty

Posted by Double M



I assume everyone has seen the dramatic prairie dog clip before. If you haven't, I've included it here for reference. It's 5 seconds so watch it.

Well, someone has got a cat doing almost the same thing. It made me laugh so I thought I'd share it with you.

Ah, cats. I don't think I'd ever own one as a pet (too much of a dog guy), but they always make me laugh.

Very Clean But Borderline Inappropriate [Girl Licking Stuff]

Posted by Double M



Ok, here's the deal. I've got a crazy video for you this afternoon. Here's the brief synopsis: it's a video involving a girl licking stuff in a hotel room. The licks are SFW (that's Safe For Work), but it's still a girl licking stuff rather suggestively, so I guess exercise caution. Make sure you make it to the end.

That's no 2 Girls 1 Cup (which I have never seen)(also that's a funny reaction clip, not the movie), but that last scene is crazy.

That said, the very last second of that clip is what blew my mind/made me post this. If you didn't watch it, the girl holds up her hand and the url extstay.com is written on it. If you're worried about that site, fear not - it's a website for Extended Stay Hotels, which means that the video above is actually licensed by a legit company. There are more videos on the site some of which are even more ridiculous (but honestly, less questionable). If you didn't watch it because you were worried about it being shady, reconsider and be baffled/grossed out/amused.

Wilford Brimley Knows Diabetes

Posted by Double M



One of the best parts of being sick is watching the Price is Right. That show was awesome (although Drew Carey is not so awesome - he's just mediocre). In any case, if you watch the PIR, you know you're getting somewhere between 5 and 10 Wilford Brimley Diabetes commercials for Liberty Mutual. I, like many of you, didn't even have to look any of that up - I just knew it off the top of my head.

In any case, some people have taken those commercials and made some awesome remixes of them. Some of these have been around for a little bit, but if you haven't seen them before, you should enjoy.

The first one is called the Beetis Remix and features a Brimley rocking it out as a cowboy.

The next video has footage from Brimley commercials I haven't seen so I've included it for educational purposes.

At this point you're prolly sick of hearing Brimley saying "diabetes," but just in case you're not, you can watch more diabetes videos here. Just to finish it out, here's Family Guy's take on Brimley's commercials. It's kinda dark but it makes me laugh every time.

Pixar, Eat your Heart Out

Posted by Wheezy



As many of you may know, I'm currently enrolled at Full Sail University in pursuit of a Bachelor's in Computer Animation. All in all, I've been extremely happy with my decision to attend Full Sail, and I feel like I've learned a lot about the world of animation. As part of my education, I try to watch a lot of different animations from around the world, from all different schools, just to see what's out there.

The following is an example of somebody who apparently is not happy with their choice in animation schools, or at least with the result of one class in particular. Although it may not have been great for Colin, it's resulted in something pretty fantastic for me, as I can't help but laugh every time I watch.

Of course anytime something of interest goes on the internet, YouTube in particular, somebody is going to go ahead and take it upon themselves to make that morsel a little bit better. In this case, I'm pretty sure it was Randy Hickey.

Italian Spiderman Parts IX & X

Posted by Double M





One of the best parts about having a previous blog is the recurring story lines that I can carry over. For instance, anyone who's followed me before is familiar with the Italian Spiderman movies. If you're not familiar with them, here's a synopsis. It's a 10 part spoof series about an Italian version of Spider-man. The videos are beyond ridiculous and come across as a blend between James Bond, Austin Powers, and Larry the Cable Guy. The hero, Italian Spiderman, is the chunky fellow to the right. If The Watchmen is everything that is right with comics, I'm pretty sure this is everything that is wrong with comics. If you follow the link above you can watch the first 8 parts (trust me, it's worth it if you haven't - plus it's Friday, what else do you have to do).

In any case, here's Part IX of the Italian Spiderman series. This one is basically one big fight scene, which is awesome. I'll warn you before you go in - apparently Italian Spiderman has the power of Sesame Street teleportation.

And here's Part X of the Italian Spiderman series. Apparently these guys have gathered such a big following that they have decided this is only the ending to Part 1 - so there will be more. With that in mind, enjoy the ending of part 1 of Italian Spiderman. I'll warn you, this is easily the most graphic part of Italian Spiderman although I don't think it crosses a PG level.

Cliffhanger! You bastards! Also apparently Italian Spiderman has some quick acting acid rabies and a detachable Mario mustache. Crazy stuff. If you can't get enough of Italian Spiderman, there's a blog by the creators here. It's how I kept up on all the Italian Spiderman releases and where I got the awesome picture above.

Have a good weekend.

Walk Score

Posted by Ross


I stumbled across the most walkable neighborhoods today and thought it was pretty cool. I was just thinking about how easy it was to get around St. Louis Park (suburb of Minneapolis) today as I ran all my errands on my bicycle. I started (and will probably never finish) an experiment comparing how long it takes to do things in car vs. on a bike. I do know that I can get downtown in 14 minutes, which is probably about how long it takes by car. However that's on my nice road bike, and decked out in spandex, which obviously makes you go a lot faster, and there's not a lot to do once you're downtown in biking shoes, a helmet and spandex. Today's experiment was done on my cruising bike in shorts, a t-shirt and flip-flops, a much more socially acceptable combination. Anyways, here's the link to find out how your neighborhood scores.

Who Will Watch the Watchmen? -Me

Posted by Royalcow




I referenced Watchmen on my Dark Knight post, so I better deliver now.

I'll start with Alan Moore. You actually have probably heard of his work already but didn't know it. You've seen League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, From Hell, Constantine, and V for Vendetta right? Well, he wrote the comics that those movies are based on. Of course, Alan won't see any of these movies or acknowledge that he has anything to do with them. Due to his contracts with various comic companies he has written for he has lost creative control for a lot of his work and really doesn't want movies made. So there's that. The wiki link is a fairly entertaining read on the subject. Oh did I mention he worships a Roman snake-diety named Glycon? The dude is interesting and his comics are really great.

His best work is easily Watchmen and is widely recognized as one of the most kick-ass graphic novels out there. Anyone remotely interested in comics should pick this up. There is also the first chapter on iTunes for free (iTunes via The Movie Blog). The comic was originally published 1986 and was quite revolutionary, winning all sorts of awards. Moore was a pioneer in the comic book industry and showed how comics could be elevated over picture books and become art. I don't want to give too much away about the story, but I will say that there is a comic within Watchmen about pirates, so that's cool. Seriously you should read this book.

You can imagine that all of the fanboys are quite worried about this movie adaptation. The movie is being directed by the same guy who did such an amazing job with 300 (Zach Snyder) and so far everything I have seen about this movie seems promising, including the image and trailer below. Of course Alan Moore has gone on record to say that he thinks the comic is basically unfilmable, but he would say that. The guy really hates DC. In any case, I am hopeful. Oh and that pirate comic within the comic I mentioned above is gonna be an animated feature released on DVD in March.

One last thing. Today I found out there will be a video game adaptation, which I am not very excited about. I guess I should keep my expectations low just in case it turns out good. I really just can't see Watchmen being DC's next Batman.

ESPY's 2008

Posted by Double M



I watched this year's ESPY's the other night. I was going to post faster, but they were mediocre. The host this year was Justin Timberlake and it was just ok. Last year, LeBron had me rolling during the intros and that was something that Justin couldn't replicate. Part of that is because he wasn't an athlete, but part of it is simply because he's not LeBron who could say and do whatever the hell he wanted to just because he was LeBron. In any case, here are some of the highlights (if you didn't see my post from Monday with Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly, than watch those videos as well).

The first video is Justin Timberlake's "intro" song (he did an opening monologue that was just ok). It's an 8 minute song (which is impressive as a solo performer) that has some highlights including yelling "Anything is Possible" with a Kevin Garnett puppet about 4 minutes in (side note: unfortunately Garnett was on the stage later in the night and refused to say Anything is Possible. From this point forward, if Garnett makes a public appearance and does not say that I will be disappointed in him. This could affect his Hall of Fame status with me. It's that serious). That said, there are some other funny moments and if you have a few minutes to burn, I would recommend watching this.

The next video was posted on Awful Announcing and the premise is that Justin Timberlake was researching his role as ESPY's host by visiting some of the most important sporting events of the last year. I felt this was one of the better pieces all night.

The best part of the entire night, however, was when Will Ferrell gave Tiger Woods' Best Male Athlete acceptance speech (Tiger was MIA due to surgery). I can only assume that this was planned, but it wouldn't surprise me if Will did this off the cuff.

On a personal note, for some reason ESPN decided to have Fergie give an award with former man-crush Jack Bauer Kiefer Sutherland. I have no idea why they did this but here's a picture of them together.



Jack Bauer is looking like he has just been cornered by the terrorist Chinese there. And Fergie looks...words cannot express. She has me wondering what happened to the chick that I thought was hot in the Hey Mama video. She is a train wreck that I fortunately can look away from.

It's About to be a What? Girl Fight!

Posted by Double M



Something's gotten into the water to make some crazy chicks even crazier over the last few days. First, Danica Patrick (who's overrated in looks and driving skills by the way (not that I know anything about racing - she just never wins)) decided to get into a shouting match with another driver. She's been a whiny bitch confrontational before but this time its with another chick who decided not to take it.

I'm fairly certain that this is just further evidence that we shouldn't let an overly emotional person strap themselves into a killing machine that travels faster than 200 mph (otherwise, stuff like this happens).

Not to be outdone, the man-chicks in the WNBA decided to throw down themselves last night. This fight was a little more serious than some towel flinging. According to the great sports announcing blog Awful Announcing, one chick blows out her knee trying to break up the fight (she's on the ground away from the pile) and former NBA player/current Detroit WNBA team assistant coach, Rick Mahorn, straight shoves a Lisa Leslie (will she ever "dunk" again?), leading to some chick trying to punch him in the back. Good times!

If you missed the Mahorn shove, start the video over and look towards the left side of the skirmish. Then you'll laugh. But not to their faces, because the chicks are crazy.

Sorry for the delay

Posted by MajorLB



So, it's taken me awhile to finally post, but hopefully I'll be more frequent in the future. As the only girl on ImmediateRegret I will often talk about girl stuff. Not like gross girl stuff, but normal stuff with a girl perspective or vent frustrations with the opposite sex.

I have spent the last two weeks traveling for work. This is exhausting not only because of the travel and schedule, but also because I don't know anyone so I'm constantly expending energy meeting people and "networking". Therefore my patience is pretty low, but a few things still seem ridiculous even if I wasn't tired.

1) Auditorium seating, the lights are pretty dimmed, everyone looking forward towards the speaker on stage and a total stranger turns around and winks at me. What is that about? Now, there are plenty of times when you can share a look or a laugh with a perfect stranger due to the surrounding circumstances or something that is said. This was not one of those times. At all. It was just creepy.

2) Midnight, second floor of a club, 3 pretty sober girls and a sober guy dancing in a circle (protecting space) and the guy leaves. Immediately the people around the girls (all 35+ men from all over that are from partnering companies with my employer) gets closer and the looks become more obvious. Whatever, I'm a girl dancing in a club, I'm kinda used to leering. I go to get some waters and when I come back another girl looks at me with sorta horrified eyes and says she has to tell me something. Before she gets the chance, a partner approaches me and says, "I don't think your friend believed me, but I'll get promoted if I sleep with an employee from your company. No, really, that's my boss over there."

Really? You said that to girls that look at least 20 years younger while at a corporate event? Really? Do you think that's appropriate? Really? Did you think it was going to work?

There wasn't even a real cultural barrier in this case like some of the other creepsters I have encountered in the last two weeks. This guy was from the UK. I hope he immediately regretted the comment, but probably not since he said it twice.
P.S. He also had told the first girl that he would be the best she ever had.

Crazy Movie Promo Madness

Posted by Double M



Seems like today might be all about movies. However, compared to our last few posts I'm gonna not talk about the Dark Knight (which was awesome if you haven't picked up on that yet). You may not know that Rainn Wilson has a movie coming out this summer called The Rocker. It's been kinda getting buried between a lot of the other comedies coming out this summer (Step Brothers, Tropic Thunder) and the release date has been moved around a few times. I have no clue whether it will be good or not, but if you want to see him attempt to do the weather on CNN while promoting his movie, here's your chance.

Also, since I can't just leave you with one video, here's the German trailer for Beverly Hills Chihuahua. I saw the trailer for this movie at Wall*E, and on paper I should hate it (I don't like purse dogs, I hate George Lopez, it seems like a gimmicky kids movie), but I think it might be funny. Plus I get to hear my girl Salma Hayek and that's never bad. In any case, the German trailer somehow makes this movie seem menacing...

...until they start singing in English. Why doesn't the song translate? This makes no sense. Wait, the movies is about talking dogs? Nevermind.

Why I Like The Dark Knight (aka Batman Rules)

Posted by Royalcow




Okay so I probably don't need to tell you that The Dark Knight does in fact rule. That would be apparent from the 94% on RottenTomatoes. I would recommend seeing it immediately. Okay that out of the way I can do my first movie post for all of you Hop Ons out there.


I suppose my movie going experience needs a little explanation. I have a tendency to like nearly every single movie I see. How do I do that you might ask? Expectations. My outlook on movies varies greatly depending on what I thought going into them. Basically this boils down to me not expecting (or even wanting) to see Oscar-caliber movies when I hit up the Draft House. So that being said, on with things.

I expected The Dark Knight to be awesome and it really didn't disappoint at all. Sorry Wheezy, but I liked it more than Wall*E. It could be that I really like Batman and am glad to see that he is finally being shown some movie justice. In any case, the trailers before Batman included an good peak at Terminator: Salvation and a trailer for a movie I have been eagerly anticipating: The Watchmen. I have so much to say about The Watchmen that I need to devote an entire post to it.

The only criticism that I heard of The Dark Knight was that it was about 30 min. too long, but I really didn't think that it was really a problem. The movie never seemed to slow its pace of awesomeness. Of course Maggie Gyllenhaal was a much better choice than Katie Holmes for whatever reason you choose to believe. I like to believe the reason is that this script could not have been acted by Katie, so they went with the slightly less good looking, but much better actress instead. None of that Tom Cruise bull plop. Heath Ledger's performance is seriously impressive. For those that have seen the first maybe 15 min. of the movie will agree that he sucks you in right away (the disappearing pencil trick anyone?).

Another thing that I like to do is check to see if there is any "Crap After Credits". I watch all my movies to the end just in case. It has paid off more than a few times and me sitting through the movies means you don't have to if there's nothing there. If you were wondering there was no CAC for The Dark Knight.

Wow that was long. Anyway go out and see The Dark Knight and for those of you who already did, well see it again. I know I plan on it.

Seven Degrees of Obscurity

Posted by Wheezy




Anybody else see the Dark Knight yet? Oh. About 15 million of you have? Nifty. For the rest of you, don't worry. No spoilers here.

I know that everybody is talking about Heath Ledger and his amazing performance (and rightly so), but I've been extremely surprised that nobody has brought up the terrific job done by none other than "Brat Pack" member, Anthony Michael Hall.

Since most of you haven't seen Anthony Michael Hall since the last time Weird Science was on USA "Up All Night", I can certainly understand not recognizing him as the tabloid-esque news reporter in the Dark Knight. But he was there.

You do remember Weird Science I hope? Probably the best part of Weird Science was the sweet theme song that was made for it by the band Oingo Boingo. Here's a refresher. I apologize in advance for getting this song stuck in your head for the rest of today.

I know what you're thinking. "Who was the lead singer in that video? Methinks he made me wet my pants a little." Well that is none other than the talented and versatile Mr. Danny Elfman. You know, the guy who wrote the theme song for The Simpsons and the 1989 Batman movie? And Beetlejuice, and Edward Scissorhands, and pretty much anything directed by Tim Burton. That guy.

Apparently before Danny Elfman was writing creepy music for Tim Burton he was the creepy front man for Oingo Boingo. And sometime before they "hit it big" with Weird Science, they put out this music video.

To be honest after that I'm surprised they didn't lock the guy up. Then again, maybe they did. I don't suppose there are any rules about being nominated for Oscars while in prison. (Big Fish, Good Will Hunting, and Men in Black).

Surprisingly, no nominations for "Little Girls." Maybe next time Danny.

Dr. Horrible, PhD in Horribleness

Posted by Royalcow




Big weekend for me. I moved, found out I have WAY too much stuff, finally watched Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, and saw The Dark Knight (post coming soon about that). As much as I would like to bitch about moving, we all know how big of a pain in the ass it can be so I will move on.

Before I go any further let me first apologize for not letting all the Hop Ons out there know about Dr. Horrible earlier. As of this morning the videos are no longer available for free. If there are a bunch of people quoting something you haven't seen before, this is it.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog stars NPH as Dr. Horrible, Nathan Fillon as Captain Hammer, Felicia Day as Penny and is written and directed by Joss Whedon. Now if that doesn't sound cool enough already, its a super-cheesy musical about a likable villain who accidentally introduces his crush to his nemesis who start to date while he tries to get into the Evil League of Evil. It really is a masterwork.

I would recommend going to iTunes, searching for Dr. Horrible, and then buy the season pass (this link might also do all that for you however it will launch iTunes if you don't have it open). The season pass is a tip for all the Hop Ons since if you bought the acts individually they would be 6 dollars. The three acts are only 4 dollars and it is completely worth it. If that glowing review doesn't make you want to get it how about this trailer:

Funny or Die Video Round-up

Posted by Double M



Hey everybody,

We're starting week #2 here at Immediate Regret and if you've visited the actual site (not just our RSS feed) you probably have noticed a few changes. Just an FYI, these changes will probably continue for a while and will probably continue for quite some time as we continue to tweak Immediate Regret to be the best site possible for you our hop ons.

Heads up on today's post - it's got a few Funny or Die videos wrapped in one. I hate it that Funny or Die doesn't work in RSS feeds, but if I put them all in one post you only have to click through once (just click here).

In any case, I assume most of you saw The Dark Knight this weekend/are going to see it in the near future. I'm going to be honest - that movie was awesome and you should see it if you haven't. If you've been watching the intermist over the last couple of days, you may have seen this deleted scene "from the movie." It's not actually in the movie and there's no spoilers in it but if you've seen the movie you'll laugh now and if you see this before the movie, you'll laugh at that part.

In TV news, the ESPYs were on last night (more on that tomorrow?). But ESPN did a couple promos with Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly about potentially hosting. Their clips are below. Here's clip 1:

...aaaaaannnnd Clip 2:

Finally, here's a video featuring Danny McBride as a slave owning d-bag version of George Washington and some girl named Tymberlee. It's Drunk History Part III, and since it has drunk storytelling* and GW it should help you shake off the memories of a weekend of drinking/making it rain. Exercise caution on the language here, but the hiccups should make you laugh.

* Not a real story.

Have a good week.

Friday's Alright for Fighting

Posted by Double M


Well, it's Friday and we're winding down our first week here at Immediate Regret. This is post #10, so we are definitely generating more content than we have before. In any case, it's Friday and I've got a few good fighting videos for you. The first is a news report about the Cardboard Tube Fighting League. Yes, you read that correctly, they are using cardboard tubes. The same thing you swung at your siblings when the wrapping paper ran out. You should laugh.

Second, here's a video of Jon Voight fighting in what I'm pretty sure was the inspiration for the matrix.

There are so many ridiculous things in that video, I don't even know what to say.

Have a good weekend.

Ross Likes Monkeys too

Posted by Ross



I've been pretty lazy about getting any posts up here. For someone who's unemployed I've found myself to be awfully busy. The main thing keeping me busy has been Super Mario Galaxy on the Wii. Say what you will about my priorities, but I've been busy.

Anyways, I just wanted to chime in about monkeys. I like monkeys as well, but I think I like dogs even more. Needless to say I was blown away when I had the opportunity to watch a dog playing with a monkey. Here's a few pics of the battle. It was a pretty close match, but I'd say the monkey won. His edge didn't come from his opposable thumbs, but rather his tail, which you can clearly see in use in these photos. As we all know one of the most famous classic blunders is to get involved in a land war in Asia, slightly less well known is never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line, a close third to that is always take a defensive standpoint from the high ground. This is something that apparently is learned on the evolutionary spectrum somewhere between dogs and monkeys.


















I felt this video merited being pulled from the comments and added to the post. Thanks to Dan.

Batman Video Attack Part II

Posted by Double M



This is the second part of the Batman video attack (see the first part here). I hope you had a lot of time to watch videos today. Normally I would say something about it being Friday and you've got nothing to do, but that's not even the case - I'm just bombarding you with videos. So, I guess, enjoy your Thursday video attack. In any case, sadly, I know some of you aren't going to be seeing Batman tonight (I'm one of them) or even this weekend (I hate packed movie theaters...and I sound like I'm 80), but fortunately Batman has a song for us. Warning - this is a catastrophe. Side note: This picture to the right has nothing to do with the Dark Knight movie. It's just thought it was a funny premise for a comic. Also, the smiles on all their faces are kinda awkward. Robin is also not wearing pants.

Did I not warn you to not watch all 6 minutes of that train wreck? Sorry about that. Thank god that guy is wearing a mask or else everyone would make fun of him. that's not actually in the new Batman movie. I bet he immediately regretted making that video.

Here's a video from a couple guys that they did not regret making as it has over 1 million views. It's poorly acted, but pretty funny. This is Batman teaching you how to be a superhero.

I don't know if you ever watch The Office fan videos on YouTube.com (I don't blame you if you don't - a lot of them are garbage), but I found a really funny one about a week ago blending the Dark Knight trailer with The Office. It's actually really well done and made me laugh.

I'll close out by showing you one of those Marvel/DC Mac/PC parody videos. The guy who makes them has made a ton of them (this is my favorite) and if you haven't seen them and enjoy these characters, you'll enjoy the parodies. Anyway, this one makes fun of a lot of people's (my?) thoughts about the Dark Knight.

Batman Video Attack Part I

Posted by Double M



I assume most of you reading this site will be seeing the Black Dark Knight tonight or tomorrow. It's gonna be awesome. I am very excited. In any case, one of the best parts of a big time movie launch is the excessive number of internet videos that appear leading up to the release. Today, I'll be showing you quite a few of them. In fact, I'm probably going to show you so many videos that I'm going to split this into 2 posts. Side note: the picture to the right is the underrated Blake Lively at the Dark Knight premiere (I was a big fan in the surprisingly ok movie Accepted but apparently her show Gossip Girl is growing her fanbase.)

The first video is all about Batman needing to tone it down a notch. I figure it fits well considering the Dark Knight is supposed to be the darkest Batman yet...

Ah yes, nothing like cheap production. It's always a good time. Homemade intermist videos are some of the best things ever. For instance, here's a homemade video of some dude making up words to the Batman theme song. FYI, he's also singing it like a ballad.

I'm pretty sure I had that mask when I was a kid. Good times. Speaking of my childhood, I used to watch the Batman live action series featuring Adam West. Well apparently they did some live comedy show where Robin crashes the Batmobile. To be honest, by itself, it's not all that funny, but considering the Batman you'll see in the Dark Knight it's kinda humorous. Also, the very last line is kinda gay.

Royalcow Likes Monkeys

Posted by Royalcow




I was talking with my buddy Tom at lunch and the topic of monkeys came up. As they do. Specifically bananas and monkeys. He mentioned that he now only eats bananas from the wrong end since they peel easier and he doesn't get banana-mush for the first bite. He started doing this cause he remembered me saying that that's how monkeys eat them. I felt proud that my monkey knowledge was helping others. I really like monkeys and know a lot of random psuedo-facts about them. Which reminds me of this:

I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.

I like monkeys.

I remember getting this forward when email was relativity new and exciting. I really wish I knew who wrote this so I could credit them for this masterwork.

Hip-Hop Is Dance

Posted by Double M



One of the reasons I liked transitioning to this site was that I could spend more time focusing on some of the things I love. For instance, now I can spend even more time listening to hip-hop and watching music videos. This can be hard work because there are a lot of bad songs/videos out there.

Sometimes, what makes music videos atrocious is the really bad dance breaks. There's nothing worse than seeing people that think they can dance try to break it down. That said, sometimes there are some ridiculous videos that must be posted. Today is one of those occasions. If you ever wanted to see mediocre break dancing by people dressed up in bee costumes, now is your chance. Side note: The people pictured to the right are not in the video. That was me and 2 of my friends for Halloween. I'll let you decide which one is me. I may immediately regret posting this pic.

Of course, I have to leave you with a real hip-hop video as well. You may or may not know who Fonzworth Bentley is. In case you don't, here is the first line from his Wikipedia page (emphasis mine).

Fonzworth Bentley (born Derek Watkins February 13, 1974) is a hip hop artist, entertainer, and fashion designer, best known for being a personal assistant to American celebrity Sean "Diddy" Combs. Bentley now markets his own line of umbrellas.

Somehow this dude parlayed being Diddy's bitch (and make no mistake, it's a hellacious job - you'd know this if you watched that any MTV show with Diddy) into a "music career." He's been in a video with Kanye before, and, to be honest, I have no clue how he got a rap contract after that. He just sounds so awkward. In any case, here's his new video featuring Andre 3000 ("Hey Ya") and Kanye, "Everybody". Fonzworth's rap is not good, but the music is ok and the dancing made me laugh.

Miss Universe 2008

Posted by Double M

You may not have heard, but the Miss Universe pageant was on Sunday. To be honest, I didn't see much of it (although the Miss Hooters (sub-parentheses: that's a link to the 2008 Miss Hooters - use your discretion) pageant was on during dinner and Shorty and I saw parts of that one. Turns out you can play an awesome game of Real or Fake on during that), but I do know that Dayana Mendoza of Venezuela won the thing. Fortunately, the internets can fill in the gaps that we probably all have. If you're intrigued about how she won, you can get a good recap (including videos!) here. But to be honest, it's kinda boring. All you really want to see is what she looks like in a swimsuit what "ethnic costume" she dressed up in. Fortunately, for you, I've got that video right here.

I'm not sure what she's wearing. I think it's a collection of those dice that you can hang from your rear-view mirror. Whatever it was, it must have convinced the judges that she was the one to go with. Her path was made easier; however, when Miss USA fell down for the 2nd year in a row.

Of course, while these chicks are all smiles, we all know that they are crazy-ass bitches. Last year, the winner said her stuff was pepper sprayed and after her fall this year Miss USA had this to say:

"Maybe somebody dropped marbles or something. It’s just such a coincidence that two years back-to-back Miss USA falls."

Seems like somebody thinks there's a little bitchassness going on...

Cause for Immediate Regret

Posted by Wheezy

Feel free to check out the old comic archive over at my artist blog "Why Not".

Royalcow Talks About Cats

Posted by Royalcow




I am excited to be here on Immediate Regret (although I did want to call it HopOns, but as long as I can still call our readers that I suppose it all works out). This is really my first time out in the ole Blogosphere, but you may recognize my terrible drawing from Wheezy's blog here and here. From time to time I will be posting more terrible drawing and I should be covering movies and video games, since I do watch and play a lot of both. However, today I think I will talk about my cats.

My fiance and I have two cats, Atari and Bruce (shown above). Atari is lazy and very cat-like and Bruce... well he thinks he is a dog. Just like ask Ross. I had Atari awhile before I got Bruce and in that time she got a little chunky. By that I mean that she often looks remarkably like a toad when she sits down on her front paws. Go ahead, imagine a toad with a cat's head. That was Atari. So they are both now on a diet, which seems to give them an excuse to eat anything they can find. Here is a list of things my cats have eaten lately:

• Shortbread (on multiple occasions)
  
• Loaf of wheat-nut bread
• Toilet paper
  
• Protein bars (kept on top of the counter where we can barely reach them)
• Headphone cords
  
• Granola (which was retrieved from inside a closed backpack)
  
• Cardboard boxes
  
• Sunflower seeds and almonds
• Pull tabs for the zippers on my backpack (which was then thrown up all around the apartment)
  
• Umbrella
• Lard

This might have been somewhat more acceptable except the mess it made. On more than a few occasions we would wake up to little food bombs all over the kitchen and living room. Anything left on the counter overnight seemed to be fair game and a zip-top plastic baggie was nowhere near good enough of a barrier. Needless to say something needed to be done since the little missus was threatening felicide for the next cat that ate anything other than cat food or bugs.

In comes Ssscat. Basically, its just compressed air (or refrigerant) attached to a motion sensor. Combine with cats with hilarious results.

I saw Bruce take a blast of cold air right in the butt the first time we had it set out and nearly fell off the couch laughing. Thanks to Ssscat the cats seem to be cured of their counter exploits.

Welcome to Immediate Regret

Posted by Double M



Hey everybody,

I'd like to take a second to welcome you to Immediate Regret. For those of you who haven't already stopped reading/left the site, you will find that Immediate Regret will serve as a collection of things from all over the Internets. For the most part we'll be funny - but if nothing else we'll be informative steal from other places on the intermist and post it here (with credit given, of course).

Some of you may know me from my previous site and if you read the post there today, you'll understand why I've decided to make this transition. The biggest change for me is that I will be working with several other authors on this site. For you our readers (or Hop Ons if you like AD), this means that we will be able to focus more on specific areas of interest - giving you better posts - and that more posts will be created - because there's more
of us. If that doesn't want to make you read this site, then I don't know what would.

In any case, if you've never read my stuff before, what you can expect from me is a plethora of videos from the internets - it's kinda what I do. So, in keeping with the name Immediate Regret, my first post has a couple of videos that demonstrate the feeling of immediate regret.

The first video is of some crazy hammered dude. Now most of us have done something stupid while hammered, but this easily crosses the line.

The second video is actually a classic music video from the 80's. It's from Dead or Alive's You Spin Me Round (Like a Record). I guess the artist may not have immediately regretted making this video, but there is no way that they were 100% happy with this video at its completion.

I hope you've enjoyed the post today. Here at Immediate Regret we look forward to making you laugh for quite a while.