5 Minute Fix: Jim Mora, the Playoffs, and Hip-Hop

Posted by Double M



Generally, if you've been around me at a sporting event, you've heard me reference the legendary Jim Mora "Playoffs" press conference shown below:

Well, last year Coors Light found a way to mix it into their brilliant marketing scheme.

Well, no someone has remixed Mora's exclamations into a hip-hop song that has been stuck in my head all day.

Someone get me an mp3. There's a Dennis Green one if you're interested too.

(H/T: The Sports Hernia)

Why I Like Tropic Thunder

Posted by Royalcow

Okay so I know that this has been out forever now and everyone that has already seen it has done so already, but I felt I needed to remind people that you should see Tropic Thunder. Before I get into why I here is the preview for your viewing pleasure.

I did enjoy the movie. It was surprisingly violent and gory but in a funny way (think any of Sam Raimi's earlier works or Dead Alive) which I always find hilarious. It wasn't one of my favorite Ben Stiller movies, but you can't really expect him to top Zoolander. Robert Downey Jr. was of course good in his role, but the real standout has to be Tom Cruise. I won't give too much away but his character makes this movie a must see in my book. I will give you a hint though the best part and funniest part of the whole movie is the end credits. You don't have to take my word for it though. I checked and this is still playing at the Alamo Drafthouse, so go for it if you haven't already. Oh and don't bother staying for the end, there isn't any crap after credits.

Shut Up and Let Me Go [A Poorly Titled SNL Rant]

Posted by Double M




Hey everybody. If you haven't figured it out, here's what I do on Monday's: SNL recap or I don't post (mainly because I'm lazy but partly because I watch a lot of football). Unfortunately this week I am unable to do a SNL recap. There are two reasons for this:

1) There was approximately 0 funny clips on SNL this week*
2) I will be running from my bookie as this is the result of the pickem from last weekend (I've included ADMohr's because he also made them).



Yeeeeaaaaaaaah. All those red columns - that means the pick didn't go my way. I immediately regret those picks. So, as a result, I'm going to be going away for a while.**

In the meantime, get distracted by this music video. It's the video for "Shut Up and Let Me Go" by the Ting Tings. It makes me alternately rock my head and want to punch myself in the face.

Man they love the "show-me-your-cat" sign. But haven't you seen that video before? I sure have:

Isn't that pretty much the same video "concept"? OK, not all of it, but I'm pretty sure the rest came from Tekken. At least these adolescent girls remade the video (pedophile alert...not really, but that's immediately what you thought when you saw those words wasn't it. Yeah it was.) - it's bad but they did it instead of stealing it straight from the White Stripes.

Have a good week.

* On second thought I will give you a SNL review:

Super-short version: If you haven't watched it yet, then don't. Go delete it from your DVR and block the Anna Farris version from recording in the future.

Short version rant: This was my quote (on twitter) 5 minutes into watching the episode last night:

When Keenan "Worst SNL Cast Member Ever?" Thompson appears before Bill Hader then you know its gonna be a bad SNL

That could be extended to Bobby Moynihan as well. I don't know the exact number but there are probably 12-15 skits on a standard SNL. I'm fairly certain Keenan was featured(!!!!!!) in at least 5 skits this week. 5! That's like a 33-50% chance of failure before you even start. God it was awful. There were honestly brief moments of funniness (that's one of them), but on the whole it was poor-to-very-poor.

The funniest skit was probably Tina Fey doing her Sarah Palin skit in the opener. But let me address something that's going to get annoying over the next two days: Yes, Tina Fey does a great Sarah Palin. She's really good and looks like Palin. I get it. Please don't digg this video a 100 bazillion f-ing times and post it on every website. It's funny, but not that funny. Plus I think the original is more perplexing. Side note: Don't you feel like Tina Fey is kinda picking on Sarah Palin? It feels like a "popular kid" is calling the fat kid fat in front of everyone. Only by everyone I mean the audience that watched SNL.

I don't know, maybe I'm just bitter because it was a shitty episode. Honestly, the episode was so bad that NBC has only put 5 clips from the show on Hulu and 4 of them are political ones. Anyway, here's the one "skit" they posted. Get ready for awesome Keenan.

** I'm just joking about this part - I don't gamble. Illegally.

Twittered Pink - Weekly Twitter Round Up

Posted by Wheezy


Hey Hops Ons. Wheezy here.

In the afternoon Friday time slot, when everybody is just trying to kill some time until the weekend truly begins, we're bringing you an idea we stole a new segment here at Immediate Regret called the Weekly Twitter Round Up.

For those of you who don't know, Twitter is a social networking website that allows you to basically have IM conversations with your friends, coworkers, family, or favorite political candidate* publicly (or "invite only" style) on the intertubes. You may have heard about it from some of our other IR bloggers. If you're already on Twitter you can follow the IR crew's twitter feeds by checking out the sidebar.

Except Ross of course. Technology scares him in ways that $700 billion dollar investments in failing industries scare me.

Throughout the week people share links to things they find interesting, and in "Weekly Twitter Round Up" I'll be sharing a few of the more interesting stuff people have 'tweeted'. So without further ado - here's this week's Twitter Round Up.

Thanks to the Biz-Nitch for letting me straight up jack his great idea.

Immediate Regret Weekly Twitter Round Up

From wesleyzero

Speaking of great ideas, apparently Google is shelling out millions for them.

From drhorrible

Parodies of the Mac ads abound, but these seem rather topical.

From rohlich

A look into the mind of one of the many intelligent, hard working, assistants that grease the wheels of Hollywood.

From shabutie

All you ever needed to know about Cern's large hadron collider.

Have a good weekend.

*Pretty sure that the Obama Twitter account is legit. The McCain one, on the other hand, I cannot say. The fact that it only has 5 updates could be proof that it's fake. Then again, considering the senator's self admitted minimal technical acumen, 5 updates could be confirmation of its legitimacy.

College Football Betting Picks are Made Here [9/27/08]

Posted by Double M & ADMohr




This is the 3rd installment where me & Mr. ADMohr (of ADMohr twitter fame) bet guess the spread of some intriguing college football games of the weekend. As always, he'll focus on football and I'll focus on other stuff. If you want/need more description, see original post.

Brief side note from MM: Shorty turns 26 today (on the 26th - Golden Birthday Attack!) and I wanted to wish her a quick happy birthday before we get started.

Week 5 of the college football season is upon us and I finally feel like we are starting to get some good games. USC lost last night which has opened the door for all kinds of teams (although if they win out, they will probably still get to the National Championship game). Week 4 saw another dominant effort from me, but it looks like TeenWolf/ADMohr forgot we are in 2008 and not 2003 (you can see our picks here. In any case, here's our results thus far.


An introductory note from ADMohr: Looks like the performance of my picks got lost in the Brospeak translation last week, so this week I'm trying something new again. This week I'll be addressing each team with their appropriate Twitter handle, or what should be their Twitter handle (kind of in the spirit of the Dugout)

Minnesota (+18) @ Ohio State; 11:00 am BTN

ADMohr:
@DOMEisHOME I really didn't like Minnesota's chances coming into this weekend but they've won some crucial games against the White Sox at home and now they have a chance to get into the playoffs. You have to be stunned at the Twins' ability to win and produce great talent from within their system. 4 starting pitchers with an era+ over 100, and the invincible Joe Mauer who scoffs at the challenges of playing catcher all season. I realize I've carried this joke on far too long – but the Gophers are about as easy to figure out at this point of the season as the Twins' continued success.

@PRYORity_quitBoringTheNation Even if Pryor runs into trouble, it's conceivable that even Boeckman could step in and navigate tOSU to a victory in this one, as Minnesota's played respectably this year but seems good for giving up over 350 yards in every game. Ultimately, the Buckeye D doesn't seem very capable of stuffing opponents, and there appears to be a good amount of firepower on the Minnesota offense. Is Pryor/Boeckman good enough for 18 points? Is Minnesota better than Troy?

@Vegas Ohio State covers the spread.

MM: Boy we've decided to really draw you into the post this week with an awesome game, huh? Please don't watch this game unless you really love OSU. Instead, watch videos from an upcoming HBO show "The Life of Times of Tim (seriously click that link and watch them. H/T: Johnny). I've included one below for your enjoyment. OSU wins and covers.

Ole Miss (+22.5) @ Florida 11:30 am

ADMohr:
@Nutt_enough_RESPECT This team is impossible to figure out, you could almost say, one tough Nutt to crack. HEH HEH HEH. But seriously, they've lost by a combined 7 points to opponents they were capable of beating but didn't. Vandy beat the Rebels with only 200 yards of offense, which is hard to figure out until you see how Jevan Snead put up 4 picks. Meanwhile the Gators haven't beat anyone by less than 23 points. So is Ole Miss any better than the respectable teams of Miami and Tennessee that Florida has handled thus far?

@Urban_Heat_Effect What exactly is going on with the Florida offense anyways? Why was A&M able to put up more total yards than Florida (albeit, 362 to 345, but STILL. No Heisman on A&M, obv.) The quality of their opponents is respectable, it's just that it's getting harder and harder to peg Florida as a top 5 team until they have that type of breakout performance. Look for it to come next week against Arkansas, but not this week as I think this one will be about a 10 to 17 point deficit, but not quite enough to cover that spread.

@Vegas Ole Miss beats the spread.

MM: Why is the school called Ole' Miss? Can anyone tell me that? I have a feeling it's racist somehow. I just imagine two old racist hombres saying:

"You member the Ole Miss?"
"Yesum...I 'member."
"You evereckonin we can maybes get the Ole Miss back?"
"Nuhuh."
"Oh."

Anyway, I remember when Old Miss' quarterback went to Texas, got beat out by Colt McCoy, and transferred to Ole Miss. Now he's throwing 4 picks against Vandy. I think Urban Meyer is trying to get Tebow the Heisman again and also get him laid by Erin Andrews, so I think they run up the score. Florida wins and covers.

Tennessee (+6.5) @ Auburn; 2:30 pm CBS

ADMohr:
@FatCoachForHire The Vols' season is already on the line, and despite fairly acceptable statistical performances against UCLA and Florida, they've managed to come away with losses in each, and never really had a shot against Florida. Crompton looks like a liability, Fulmer's on the hot seat (per usual), and the Vols defense probably isn't as good as the one that Auburn saw last week.

@Probably_would_win_theACCorBigEast_forwhateverthat'sworth I'm deathly afraid of a letdown from both LSU and Auburn this week just because it was such a physical, trading blows type of emotional game last week. The bottom line for this game is that the SEC, with the exception of Vandy, has been playing according to expectation thus far, and Auburn's probably going to outgain the Vols without any problems. I wish this spread wasn't 6.5, and the Vols will be playing for their lives.

@Vegas Can't justify any other way to go though, other than Auburn covers.

MM: I think Tennessee is going to take some beatings this year. This is going to be one of them. If this were WWE, Jim Ross would yell "It's a debacle in the ring!" It will be impressive if Tennessee gets the ball past midfield against Auburn. Here's something to ponder while watching this game: Do you think Phil Fulmer has a burrito tucked in between the papers he always keeps rolled up in his hands? I say yes. Auburn wins and covers. In any case, here's an awesome Phil Fulmer/Doughnuts video that's going to get stuck in your head.

Wisconsin (-6) @ Michigan 2:30 pm ESPN

ADMohr:
@I_get_Bret_Bielema_&_Bert_Blyleven_crossedup That's two Twins references now. Wisconsin runs a dominant running game and as long as they're able to establish that running game they're going to be hard to pick against in any Big Ten game. Of course, if they can't – then there could be major problems for an offense that has proven to be capable, but still just doesn't necessarily inspire confidence with Evridge at the helm. This team is so hard to pick just because they're "good" on both sides of the ball – but not necessarily strong enough anywhere other than the running game to project with any sort of certainty.

@DICK-ROD===> Believe me, one of these games, the Dick-Rod offense will click and they'll hang up 50 points on 500 yards, destroy the o/u and leave everyone who picked against them to ask what the hell just happened. They won't sustain that performance, but still – they'll figure it out once, probably just the game that nobody will give them a shot in. But more importantly for this game – the Michigan defense doesn't look really all that bad, and statistically seems to line up similarly to what Wisconsin should bring. Michigan could get up for one of these games they're not supposed to win and actually pull it off provided their offense can NOT turn the ball over and actually capitalize on the yards they seem to rack up each week. They probably won't do this, but they could. So it probably just makes sense to just assume they'll lose each one rather than try to figure out the exception, kind of like picking upsets in the NCAA basketball tournament.

@Vegas. Wisconsin covers the spread.

MM: There's only one Big Eleven Ten team I kinda like: Wisconsin. They play tough defense, have a moderately capable quarterback, and have played a decent game or two in the non-conference. Plus Michigan is not good. Who do you think more upset right now: West Virginia for losing Rich Rod and hiring a boner coach (pictured right) OR Rich Rod who's not going to a bowl this year? I saw WVU because they are f'd for the longterm. Wisconsin wins and covers.

Colorado (+6) @ Florida State; 2:30 pm ABC

ADMohr:
@It's_the_Twitter!_It_Ain't_Facebook!_Go_Play_Facebook_Brother! I solemnly swear that this game will be at least as terrible, if not worse, than last week's Wake-FSU AND CU-WVU eyes-rollers. And they moved this game to Jacksonville? Why? People in Jacksonville are probably furious that this is going to be their ABC afternoon regional game. There will be more scoring in youth league soccer games this Saturday in Jacksonville then there will be at this awful game.

@RememberWhenWeUsedToRespectJimboFisher? FSU turned the ball over 7 times against Wake. You can't possibly turn the ball over 7 times unless you're purposely trying to. Some teams won't even get 7 possessions this weekend. This game exists for two reasons – to ruin pick-em's leagues with this turd of a crap shoot – and to potentially embarrass the Big 12 with a potentially subpar weekend against the ACC. If FSU had turned the ball over 5 times last week, I would say that they probably got unlucky and they shouldn't see as many this week. But 7 turnovers is so many that they might only turn it over 5 times and legitimately view it as an improvement. 7 turnovers suggests to me that their quarterbacks may actually not understand the intent of the game of football.

@Vegas Colorado beats the spread, for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

MM: After Colorado beat West Virginia last week. I guarantee you that Dan Hawkins went back to his office, smoked a bowl, ordered like 3 large pizzas, and put in his 1980's Hulk Hogan Wrestlemania tapes to make sure he says the word "brother" just right (also Erin Andrews went and bitched out her producers for not having a better security detail for her on the field and then went back to her hotel room with her Tim Tebow blow-up doll). This game will be an assault on offense because FSU's defense is really good and their offense is really bad. I'm fairly certain Hawkins will probably get high before this game because he couldn't stand it otherwise. I don't think Colorado can score against FSU's defense, but I'm fairly certain that FSU will let Colorado at least 4 possessions inside FSU's 30. Colorado covers (and probably wins) and Dan Hawkins goes streaking through the quad (required Will Ferrell clip below).

Arkansas (+27.5) @ Texas; 2:30 pm ABC

ADMohr:
@PleaseComeBackDarrenOrFelix Rolled over for 328 yards by the Alabama rushing game??? Were they even trying? Any shot of Arkansas even covering seems to have been completely erased last week as there doesn't seem to be any reason to believe that the 'Backs can even slow down the en fuego Longhorn Offense.

@ReturnoftheMACK There's a liability sitting back there in the Texas defensive backfield as they seem good for about 300 yards passing given up to any competent passing offense. I gave the Arkansas offense the benefit of the doubt last week – they're clearly not there at all and they're not going to find it in this game until they're already down 28. Muschamp's got two games to tune up for OU.

@Vegas Texas covers the spread easily.

MM: I don't like 27 point spreads. Unlike 3.5 point spreads for a team to cover a 27 point spread almost everything has to go right. For instance, Texas will have to score a lot early, their D would have to be unstoppable, and McCoy's backup will have to play well (no pick-6's or fumbles deep in your own territory) because if they get up by 28 in the 4th, Mack Brown will put in the guy backing up McCoy that is fast but can't throw (I'm too lazy to look up his name). I think Arkansas is embarrassed from last week and covers the spread but Texas wins by like 20. But since Texas wins easily, 6th street will be bumping. Unfortunately, the only time I ever saw fights on 6th st. were during the Urban Music Festival (see image in the Ole Miss pick above) and after a UT blowout win on a Saturday. In case you've never seen it, here's what happens when runk people fight:

TCU (+18.5) @ Oklahoma; 6:00 pm FSN

ADMohr:
@You'll_cheer4us_when_we_play_BYU_unless_we're_UnDeFeAtEd Man it's tempting to go with the Hot, Hawt, Haught Mountain West conference right now, and it's even MORE tempting to go with them when you see how dominant their defense has been...

@We_Made_crumbling_under_pressure_of_BCS_games_cool_before_tOSU But before you start teasing yourself too much about TCU upset possibilities, notice how dependent the TCU offense is on establishing the run. And that's not even going to come close to happening in Norman this Saturday night.Also, just can't help but take into consideration how dominant OU was against Cincy and Washington. TCU looks like a better defense, but still, those were top 5 types of performances.

@Vegas Oklahoma covers the spread no problem

MM: In 2005, Oklahoma was in transition after 10 years of Josh White quarterbacking the team and new quarterback (and former wide receiver) Paul Thompson was busy sucking balls. TCU defeated Oklahoma and people were all about the Horned Frogs! Then TCU fell apart later in the year. Fast forward to 2008 - Oklahoma is good again, TCU will be unable to score, and Bob Stoops' team will win and cover. Side note: If this was a bowl game, I would pick TCU to beat the spread and win outright.

Alabama (+7) @ Georgia; 6:45 pm ESPN

ADMohr:
@ChurchOfSaban The team that beat Clemson and Arkansas looks like a team that could play in the SEC title game. But when 'Bama hit a pretty good Tulane defense, they hit a wall offensively and needed swing points to eek out a victory. The key to making the Bama offense work is the establishing of a dominant run game, and against Georgia, that is absolutely not going to happen.

@TheMoreYouKNOWSHON Oh Sh*t everybody black jerseys!!! (I think it's pretty sweet the way they do this, actually.) Question marks about the Dawg defense were pretty much answered last week in a performance at Tempe in which the game was never in question. And question marks about the offense following the game in Columbia now seem to be validating the strength of the Cock defense if anything. Bama is probably a team that should be there soon – but UGA is there NOW. They're stronger on both sides of the ball, and this game should never be in question even if the score may actually be close and low.

@Vegas UGA covers the spread, probably wins by 10 or 13.

MM: The Saban Elephant/Penis hat picture is back by popular demand! Here's how Bama won last week: catch passes thrown by the other quarterback. Georgia won't do that. Also, as ADMohr said, they are wearing their black murderers jerseys. For some reason those jerseys look way cooler than Missouri's or Colorado's. Georgia wins covers the spread.

Illinois (+14.5) @ Penn State; 7:00 pm ABC

ADMohr:
@The_JUICE_but_not_THAT_Juice If this game turns into the shootout that it could be, then The Illini have a fighting chance to win this thing. The offense that burned the Mizzou D for 532 yards (albeit 451 in the air) seems capable of scoring against anyone, but that same team could only manage a 3 point margin of victory vs. La-Lafayette. And to boot the Penn State defense has looked stout enough - against absolutely no opponents of value.

@PapaJoe(81/m/PA) The State offense has been all the talk, and if they're capable of putting up 80% of the offense AND defensive performance we've seen to date, then State should automatically become favorites to come out of the conference. The 2 touchdowns the Illini are getting indicate Vegas is weighting the Ill. performance against Lafayette heavier than the one against Mizzou. For me, that they even had a shot of beating Mizzou says that the potential is real enough that 2 touchdowns is too many.

@Vegas Illinois beats the spread.

MM: Here are the teams that Penn State has played/beaten this year: Coastal Carolina, Oregon State, Syracuse, and Temple. That slate is worse than Nebraska's non-conference schedule. That last sentence is a lie, but they are still really bad. You know what team looked really good against bad non-conference opponents? K State. Then they played someone mediocre and shit hit the fan. Penn State fans: Shit is going to hit the fan. Illinois covers and wins. Side note: Never go to Penn State if you are from another Big 10 school...

Virginia Tech (+7) @ Nebraska; 7:00 pm ABC

ADMohr:
@ShowMeYrGanz There is so much pressure on Ganz, Lucky, and Watson for this game. VT is going to be good for about 280 yards and probably ~20 points, and defensively they're competent but nothing a working Nebraska offense shouldn't be able to handle. Ganz & Co. need a balanced attack that is going to need to score with efficiency. But the offense HAS to win this game for the Huskers. And Nebraska HAS to win this week.

@TyRODandThyStaff VT should take a lot of strength in that the Carolina team they beat last week bears a lot of similarities statistically to what they should meet on the field in Lincoln this week. The game can be won for VT primarily by great QB play by Tyrod Taylor AND (potentially) Glennon. Beamer certainly isn't known for offensive creativity, but he should recognize the weakness in the Nebraska defensive backfield and the general inability of a Pelini defense to handle a scrambling quarterback. There's potentially a golden solution there for VT, but there's really nothing to indicate that they're capable of actually being efficient offensively. VT also has an opportunity to win this game by inducing turnovers defensively.

@Vegas Nebraska wins this game, but they won't cover 7 points, and look for this one to be close late.

MM: Last year I used to have to pick Nebraska games for money and every once in a while, games like this would show up. These games cause me to incoherently ramble. Read: How is Nebraska favored by 7? Who has Nebraska beaten? No one. Has VT looked good? No. But 7 point dogs to a Nebraska team that hasn't played anyone? No. How could Vegas make this line? I thought those guys were smart. Frank Beamer's skin grafts are worth like 10 points and Ganz gets scared of good defenses. This is lunacy. VT covers but Nebraska wins by 3 or 4. Side note: There's a funny video put together by a news station in Nebraska concerning Nebraska's D coordinator. It made me laugh.

And that's the picks for the week. If you gamble, do so legally/responsibly/knowing that you can't hold us responsible. Unless you win, in which case I would like my cut. The picks table is included below. If you have your own picks/thoughts, feel free to include them in the comments.



Have a good weekend.

What was Rainn Wilson Doing this Summer? [The Office is Back!]

Posted by Double M



Does it seem like Thursday took a little longer to come this week? It did for me because I was looking forward to seeing The Office. It seems like forever since we've had an episode and all kinds of craziness happens. Fortunately, with the cast of The Office, there's craziness to keep track of all summer.

Especially, Rainn Wilson. Rainn had a movie come out this summer called The Rocker. You probably didn't see it. I know I didn't and I think Mr. Wheezy and Mr. RoyalCow are the only 2 people that see more movies than me. In any case, Rainn did have some pretty sweet viral marketing going on this summer for his movie at FreeJennaNow.com.

The "plot" behind Free Jenna Now was that Rainn had kidnapped Jenna Fischer (aka Pam aka the hot chick in Blades of Glory) and shoved her in his trunk and he would only release her when his movie does $18.7 million on opening weekend.

That, of course, didn't happen. Fortunately for us, Rainn gave us some great videos in the meantime. There's a lot of cameos from The Office cast which explains what they've been doing all summer. You can check out all the videos from the Free Jenna Now site at the Free Jenna Now YouTube.com page. Here's the final video from Free Jenna Now in which Rainn is disappointed he didn't hit $18.7 mil.

There's also a video they filmed in case The Rocker did clear $18.7 million. It's kinda funny to watch because it features a crazy Rainn dance and a shot at Space Monkeys. Of course, that's not all Rainn was doing this summer. He also dressed up like a kid and sang about the birds and the bees.

And, finally, here's an actual clip from The Office - it's a web only deleted scene in which Ryan's friend (who Dwight thinks is a hobbit) shows up at the Scranton office.

Hope you enjoy The Office tonight.

5 Minute Fix: I Wanna Love You Tender [Bad Music Video]

Posted by Double M




You know when you get to the afternoon at work and you need to keep plugging away but you actually need a little break (but not a long break because you actually do need to keep working)? Well, that's where Immediate Regret's 5 Minute Fix posts can help you out. These completely randomly posts, from me at least, will have 1 video that you can watch to break up your afternoon and then move on.

Anyway, the video for this afternoon is a crappy music video (I love laughing at them). It's apparently from a Swedish couple Armi & Danny (or Armi Ja Danny if you're Sweidsh I guess). Enjoy.

H/T: Nothing to Do with Arbroath

Update to Ranking the SNL Cast Members

Ross and Wheezy

After perusing a few of Double M's SNL rankings yesterday, we noticed some rather glaring errors in judgement. Frankly, the placement of Kenan Thompson at #12 was just insulting.

So we took it upon ourselves to update the post from yesterday. Click here to see our changes.

Ranking the SNL Cast Members from the 2008-09 Season Part 2

Posted by Double M (and Wheezy and Ross)

This is the 2nd post in my 2 post series ranking the SNL cast members from this season. You can see the first post here.

7. Darell Hammond
I'm not sure that you can really consider Darell Hammond a cast member and so it might not be fair to put him on this list. Technically, he's appeared in more SNL episodes than anyone else, but he doesn't really do much outside of political impressions anymore (If you visit Wikipedia, you can see his impressive list of impressions). So Hammond leads off the bottom of the list mainly due to the fact that he doesn't take anything away, but he doesn't really add much. In any case, here's what is probably my favorite Hammond impression and something you will definitely enjoy.

8. Casey Wilson
Casey Wilson was new in the middle of last year when she replaced Maya Rudolph (and thank God, because Rudolph was atrocious). Casey seems to be a one good skit/one bad skit actor. I'm hoping that it's mainly due to the writers (they haven't figured her out yet), so keep an eye on her. My advice to you if she shows up is hang on because you don't know what you're gonna get. All that said, I seriously couldn't find a skit that features Casey that I really enjoyed, so here's a skit she didn't mess up.

9. Seth Meyers
After Casey, it gets pretty bleak for the cast members. Seth Meyers is the head writer for SNL but he's been around for forever. As a writer, he was part of the train wreck seasons, but he's also been a part of the revival, so I'll give him credit for that. Unfortunately, great writing skills (despite the fact that he is somehow deciding to make a movie based on this horrible skit) don't save him from being an atrocious actor. If he shows up in a skit, expect worse line delivery than Jimmy Falon and worse acting than Horatio Sanz (just kidding about that last part). To be fair, he actually does the Weekend Update fairly well. Anyway, here's an example of Meyers in action:

10. Fred Armisen
The only reason Fred is still on the show this year is because he is pretty good at Barack Obama. In fact, Fred is pretty good at emulating/exaggerating real people. Why, then, is he this low on the list? Because outside of imitation, Fred can either:

1) Go drag
2) Annoy the shit out of you with his characters. Example:

If Obama is not elected, look for Armisen to not be back next year.

11. Bobby Moynihan
Bobby gets to be SNL's stereotypical fat guy for the next couple of seasons since they finally got rid of whatever bad actor was not really acting last season. He's new, so maybe there's not a lot of material to go on yet. Basically, he has just acted stupid for the most part and I have not been impressed. Bobby Moynihan has the potential to move up this list a few spots (mainly because he's new) but let's be honest, we'd all be a lot happier if he was actually replaced with Bridget Moynahan. Here's a skit that featured Bobby from last week.

** SNL Cast Members 12 through 19 were added by Ross and Wheezy**

12-14. The Cameramen

So I think there's gotta be at least three of them, so we'll give spots 12-14 to them. The reasoning for this is pretty obvious, without them we'd have to go to New York to see SNL, which isn't gonna happen very often. So their presence makes this show a lot better. In fact the only thing they could do to improve their performance would be not pointing the camera at Kenan.

15. A Bum Ross saw on the street
I know what you're saying, not fair, this guy isn't a cast or even crew member of SNL, but here's the fact. The drunk bum who asked me for change actually got a chuckle out of me. And it happened in life, last Saturday night, so technically he provided more Saturday night, live entertainment than Kenan does.

16. Key Grip
I don't even know who the Key Grip is, or what he does, but he's got to be funnier than Kenan.

17 & 18. Friends rehashing a mediocre SNL skit
Every Monday at work (or Sunday over the phone, for those of us who are unemployed) will inevitably result in at least one instance of a coworker or friend saying "Hey, did you see <insert SNL skit here> on SNL Saturday?" Followed by a retelling of the gist of the skit.

Funny? Probably not. Funnier than #20 on our list? Absolutely.

Space Olympics Recap from DWheezy on Vimeo.

19. Michael Phelps
Yeah, I know he's a host, he's not cast. Man was he awful on the show. So bad. Such a bad choice. The guy won a bunch of Olympic Gold medals. Kenan, on the otherhand, was on Nickelodeon's "All That". I still think Phelps is a better choice than Kenan.

OK, that brings us to number 20.



12. Kenan Thompson

** End of Ross and Wheezy Modifications**

20. Kenan Thompson (Last and Least)
I could write an entire post about Kenan (I'll make you this promise right now: when Kenan is removed from SNL, I will write an ode to Kenan post for you). He is the worst SNL actor I can ever remember. He can't do impressions of black people (it should tell you something about that Fred Armisen, not the token black guy on the show, is being featured as Obama) and he can't hold it together during skits.

Sometimes people are so bad that they are kinda funny. Kenan is not one of those people. I am amazed he's back on the show this year (I guess he must have a "contract"). Perhaps the show keeps him around so they have an excuse to suck every now and then or so their new actors still aren't the worst ones on the show. I've included two videos below that demonstrate his ability to make you not laugh despite being surrounded by some very funny people. Enjoy.

And that's it for the rankings. I'm intrigued to know if you agree/disagree with me.

Ranking the SNL Cast Members from the 2008-09 Season Part 1

Posted by Double M



So we're now 2 episodes into the new season of SNL. It's been mediocre. I have laughed at times, but overall it's just been OK. The thing about SNL now is that I can tell you about 10 seconds into a skit whether I will like it or not. This is mainly (but not always) due to the people in the skit. As such, I've decided to rank the cast members of this season because it will help you watch the show.

Side note: For the purpose of this post, I'll try to focus on SNL and ignore their work outside of the show.

Side note 2: I'm supporting Wheezy's Hulu boner throughout this entire post.

1. Bill Hader
I might have a man crush on Bill Hader. I know I just said I was going to try and ignore their work outside of SNL, but it needs to be said that Hader's cop in Superbad was genius. Hader had a rough first year or so on the show - they just didn't know how to use him. Now, the writers seem to have it figured out and I think that a large part of the return of SNL last year was due to Bill Hader. He's versatile - can play almost any style of character and if he's in a skit, I guarantee you will laugh at least a couple times. There's a great example of SNL just finding a way to use Bill Hader's abilities in the opening from last week's SNL. Warning: It's a political skit/

He also nailed Daniel Plainview from "There Will Be Blood" in the milkshakes skit.

2. Amy Poehler
I originally had Amy Poehler a little lower on this list - not because she's not funny but because I didn't remember her doing many skits - but when I started searching I realized she's actually in a ton. Every time she's in a skit, she nails it. It's unfortunate that she'll be done on SNL this year when she starts her new comedy on NBC. In fact, I'm not sure how SNL is going to survive her leaving because she can play the any type of character (and also nails Hilary Clinton). In any case, here's an old Amy Poehler skit that makes me laugh.

3. Jason Sudeikis
Sudeikis is just a solid all-around guy. He has good delivery and is generally just a funny guy. I don't think he has the power to make a skit, but he's good enough to not kill it. He's best when he plays the straight-laced hombre (like he does on 30 Rock), but he can do some other funny things like this skit about Young Chuck Norris.

4. Will Forte
Will Forte is more or less Jason Sudeikis with a higher upside and lower downside. In one skit he will be hilarious and the next skit he will be really annoying or just boring. Forte, unlike a lot of SNL actors, seems to be at his best when he's not imitating real people. Of course, his best stuff is the MacGruber skits.

5. Andy Samberg
Look: Andy Samberg is an atrocious live actor. Not good at all. Every time he's in a skit, you just have to be ready for one of two things:

1) Cross-dressing
2) Poorly delivered lines.

He's already accomplished both of these things this year already. So why is he up so high? Because his digital shorts have changed SNL and made me laugh a lot.

6. Kristen Wiig
After the first 5 it can get to be a dicey proposition. Kristen Wiig is a prime example of this. First, I think Kristen is really funny. When she's on, she may be better than Amy Poehler (and she's probably just as versatile). Unfortunately, when she's off, I want to punch her in the face (Target skit, I'm looking at you). The good news is, the writers seem to have figured that out as well and have started to work in more skits that make me laugh. If you've seen her Suze Orman impression, you have to be impressed, but for some reason this surprise party skit is my favorite thing she's done.

Catch part 2 ranking the bottom half of the cast this afternoon.

College Football is Blogged Here [9/20/08]

Posted by Double M & ADMohr




This is the 2nd installment where me & Mr. ADMohr (of ADMohr twitter fame) bet guess the spread of some intriguing college football games of the weekend. As always, he'll focus on football and I'll focus on other stuff. If you want/need more description, see original post.

Well, it's week 4 of the college football season and there's not a lot of exciting games this weekend. Thank god major conference play starts next week. In case you missed football this week already - K.State looked like shit this on Wednesday and Colorado picked up a crazy win on Thursday.

After one week of picking ADMohr took a small lead. See the pictures below.

MM: 7-4-1



ADMohr: 8-3-1



Those are pretty good records. Turns out if you were betting, you probably would have won money. In any case, here's our picks for this week.

A brief sidenote from ADMohr: I'm trying something new this week to hopefully improve the effectiveness of my delivery of information. Because what good is all that text if not presented in a useful way? So this week, I've outlined my game notes with BroSpeak 2003 for easy integration into daily convo. (Note – if you have a more recent version of BroSpeak, some translations may yield unintended expressions).

East Carolina -7.5 @ NC State 11:30am ESPN

ADMohr:
Hey bro we should totally road trip this weekend: Well I can almost guarantee you we're going to see approx. 28 points out of the Pirates offense this weekend. Can State put up 21 points?

I can drive though my car only gets about 17 miles per gallon combined: Nope. In fact they'll be lucky to put up about 9-12 points, all field goals, against anybody. Don't worry though, ECU will face teams that actually have the potential to beat them some other week.

Come on dude it would be sweet to party on another campus. Have you even seen Road Trip?: East Carolina covers the spread.

MM: It's the Purple Pimp Pirates (see last week) vs. a team that forgot that you win football games by outscoring your opponents. Seriously - NC State has failed to score a TD against a real opponent. Plus Harrison Beck is still on that team. ECU wins, covers, and beats down the wolfpack. On an unrelated side note, here is Grimmace (he's purple) dancing.

Alabama -9.5 @ Arkansas 11:30am

ADMohr:
What's cooler than being cool?: Hey bro that Razorback offense hung up 500 yards... on a defense that gave up 34 points to Auburn. And sure, that Bama defense SHOULD be quite a bit better. But still, if Bama pulls out a Tulane-type of shut down here, Razorbacks should at least have enough to cover.
ICE COLD: I don't think we'll see a complete Bama offensive shut down again here, but they probably are going to come out slow being on the road at the 11:30 game, and they're probably looking forward to next week because Saban is all inconsistent as hell like that. Or, Bama will win by 30.

Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright: Arkansas beats the spread.

MM: I now have Andre 3000 caught in my head. I would have gone with "Shake it like a Polaroid picture" for the last line, but that's just me. Anyway, Nick Saban is pictured on the left. That is a real picture. Would you ever pick that guy's team to cover? No. Arkansas beats the spread and probably wins.

Florida -7.5 @ Tennessee 2:30pm CBS

ADMohr:
Who Da Man: So that UCLA defense that looked pretty good against the Vols didn't look so hot last week after all. And the Vols were able to beat UAB, a team that hasn't put together a win in three games.

You Da Man: These 7.5 road favorites in the SEC are suicide. Plus, (better) Vols teams were able to take care of the Gators no problem last two times out in Knoxville. Plus all it would take is the Vols to come out slow, and they could be playing catch up, depending on if the Gator D really is better than last year.

No You Da Man: Florida covers the spread.

MM: Remember the show Press Your Luck, where contestants would yell "No Whammies! STOP!" at a big board full of cash and prizes? Well, one time, I saw some dude go like a bazillion times straight without losing. He set the record for Press Your Luck I believe. In any case, I feel that Fat Phil Fulmer (alliteration bitches!) has been pretty much doing the same thing with his job at Tennessee for the last few years. He keeps gambling (keeps losing) but stays alive against all odds. I think at this point he likes the stress/turmoil. So Tennessee loses and Florida covers the spread.

Virginia Tech +3 @ North Carolina 2:30pm ESPN

ADMohr:
Holla atcha Boi: Do you really put your money on the favorite when the favorite eeked out a win over McNeese? And sure they looked dominant last week – but I saw an awful lot of blown coverages and interceptions via Teel.

Holla atcha Girl: What possible reason do we have to fear the VT defense anymore? GT handled them in total yards last week, I think just seeing UNC has a competent offense should be enough to win this one.

Holla Back Yungun: North Carolina covers the spread.

MM: Another exciting ACC showdown that I refuse to watch. Fact: I know the cell phone #'s of 4 North Carolina alumni football players in my cell phone and if I knew them better, I would call them and let them know that mediocre teams always lose to Va Tech because they make mistakes. Va Tech beats the spread (plus I'm tired of picking the same picks as ADMohr).

Boise State +10.5 @ Oregon 2:30pm

ADMohr:
$5 for a Keg Cup: How many quarterbacks does Oregon have? And we're supposed to buy that they can all just suddenly run the offense?

We need $5 more for another Keg, this one's almost dry: Well the answer for the super Nike-jerseyed Ducks is that they put up a nice 300 yards on the ground next week. Oh yeah, and they haven't run for less than 250 yards in any game yet. Boise State isn't going to give up that many right? They can just put 10 in the box and force Oregon to throw right? RIGHT?

We still need $20 for another Keg. It's seriously almost out come feel how light it is: Boise State beats the spread.

MM: Thank God this isn't in Boise. If you didn't know, Boise rocks out on a blue football field and Oregon is known for having the worst jerseys in football. If Oregon wore those jerseys on Boise's blue field, I'm pretty sure my TV would explode. Unfortunately for Boise, Oregon is playing at home (on a normal green field) probably in their green jerseys camo-styl-e, thus allowing them to score at will and cover the spread.

Miami -3 @ Texas A&M 2:30pm ABC

Cops down the street. COPS! EVERYBODY SHUT UP!: So, the A&M defense, they're not going to stop anyone. I guess the only positive for them at this point is that they actually held Arkansas State to 18.

EVERYBODY SHUT UP DO YOU WANT TO GET CAUGHT?! SHUT THAT LIGHT OFF!: The Miami offense might not actually be very good btw, I mean just saying that the Florida defense might not be as strong as we saw in that game the other night. But still, they should be good for about 30 points at least, which should be about 15 to 20 more than they'll need.

The Cops say everybody has to leave now. Everybody. Get out of here, you can't stay here: Miami covers the spread.

MM: I have been to College Station. Nice people there. But here's the thing about their football games - they are a little weird. And by they, I mean the fans. Seriously, some of their fans do this:

W. T. F. A&M looks horrible - I hope for the staff's sake that Sherman gets a couple years. Miami covers a ridiculously small 3 point spread. I would bet the shit out of this game (if it were legal).

Notre Dame +8.5 @ Michigan State 2:30pm ESPN2/ABC

ADMohr:
I'm so sick of Pizza seriously it's in the dorms every single day and it's given away at every single social organization's meeting and then we eat it all weekend it's ridiculous how much pizza goes through these people: Michigan State looks good for about 400 yards of offense, and something tells me they won't turn it over every single time like those Wolverines did, either.

How about a beer dude? You want a beer for dinner?: You're telling me MSU is 9 points better? I mean as a general rule you should just never bet on anything related to MSU football. But still, I think it's about time for the Notre Dame self-destruct to commence.

Sweet man where'd you get that beer? I didn't think there was any left. Thursday we drank it all on the way to Arby's on the way back from that party: Michigan State covers the spread.

MM: Notre Dame shouldn't have won last weekend. Seriously, all they did was take advantage of the fact that Michigan apparently still had KY on their hands from the party the night before and fumbled the ball all over the place. Also, Charlie Weis tore his ACL. You may wonder how a coach tore his ACL - well here's video evidence:

You can real see the video here. The team is going to be tired from carrying his fat ass around all week, so Michigan State covers.

Wake Forest +4 @ Florida State 6:00pm ESPN2

ADMohr:
I only got $75 for all three textbooks that's such bullsh*t, but still, Corona's this weekend bro!: LOL @ Florida State Socon Champs '08. Oh wait a second – these aren't even good Socon teams. I'm being completely serious – App and Elon are going to hang 50+ on these chumps the 'noles have played.

I don't even think they'll buy my books back I have the older versions. Plus do you think we should keep them in case we need them next semester?: You want to talk Socon – and again I'm being completely serious here – watch out for Wofford at South Carolina this weekend. I'm thinking that score-never Smelley-Spurrier offense is up for a let down this week against one of the better 1-AA teams. Boy that'd really put the OBC over the edge.

Bro, I didn't even touch my textbook all year long. I'm being completely serious. And I got a B- : Wake beats the spread.

MM: Well, Florida State is ranked again. Is it because they are good or because voters are dumb and just stick with teams they know? It is the latter. Wake Forest Double D's (seriously, they are the Demon Deacons) beat the spread and probably win by 3.

LSU -2.5 @ Auburn 6:45pm ESPN

ADMohr:
Up High: LSU offense looks good so far, provided they play teams that can't stop the run or defend much at all. And Auburn looks dominant against the run against teams that don't look that strong at running the ball.

Down Low: What are we going to get out of LSU qb play when the run is stuffed? And even though Auburn was held to a miserable 3-2 win last week, they did manage to put up 318 yards total offense.

Fist Bump: Auburn beats the spread.

MM: Did you see the score from Auburn's Women's Soccer team's game last week? 3-2. Apparently a good game but a chick got 5-holed to end it...wait a minute. That was the score from their game vs. Miss. St. last week. Sweet Jesus. I have no idea how good either of these team are, but if you can only score 3 points, you're not beating LSU. LSU covers and wins.

Georgia -7 @ Arizona State 7:00pm ABC

ADMohr:
Pimpin' Ain't Easy: Sure they overlooked UNLV but they can rack up the yardage against anybody (in their own conference). You can totally see Carpenter coming out and having a better game thnt Stafford (if he has time and isn't killed).

Big Pimpin' Baby. Big Pimpin' Spendin' Cheese: Knowshon has to establish a constant ground game for Stafford to make that offense work. And while the SC defense I think proved itself last week and ASU's defense shouldn't be nearly as good, admit that this one has spoiler potential just because of it being an SEC team in the west and an upset-potential offense.

Pimp Juice WhooWeee: Arizona State beats the spread.

MM: All these pimp themes should have gone with ECU don't you think? Also, I may have jacked up Mohr's order because I put the games in time order. I can't believe this is the night game. Arizona State wasn't a good team last year (they got exposed near the end) and they aren't a good team this year. I know Georgia is on the road, but they should cover the spread unless they get distracted by all those ASU co-eds. I'm sure they will OK - hell, maybe it's ASU that should be worried. It seem that Georgia can take power over everyone - even the announcers (make it to the end of that video!).

That's the picks. We've even included a pick chart this week to help you remember the post. Have a good weekend.

How Long Could You Survive Versus a Raptor?

Posted by Double M




For those of you that don't subscribe to any of our shared feeds (the links are on the right), you're really missing out.

For instance, Ross found this ridiculous website that lets you take a quiz that asks you How Long Could You Survive Chained to a Bunk Bed with a Velociraptor? I made it 1:16, which was longer than Ross but less than Andy. It's awesome and you should take it - it takes like 1 minutes.

I'm not saying that I could beat a dinosaur, but I'm fairly certain that I could make it longer than 1:16. I mean, those dumb kids in Jurassic Park lived - I could make it longer than a minute.

Besides, I've done the research on this - here's an actual video of someone fighting with a raptor.

I'm pretty sure I could duplicate that and I would definitely try to stab the raptor instead of just weakly throwing the stick at him. Plus, it looks like if you can make it 2 minutes, the raptor gets bored/needs a breather and will just sit there for a minute. I think I could definitely win then.

So if anyone knows of a place that I can fight a raptor, let me know and I'll test out my theory. In the meantime, I'll begin by training against this hombre.

Extended Stay Bomb Dropping

Posted by Double M



A little over a month ago, I posted some videos of a girl licking things in a hotel room. If you remember (and I'm not sure how you couldn't if you watched the commercial), the chick held up a URL at the end of the clip. Turns out it was a commercial for Extended Stay hotels. Well, it turns out they've got a new commercial out about how relaxed the hotels make you.

If you couldn't pick that up, that commercial is all about farting. I'm not sure it will help them me a sell hotel stay, but they do make me laugh. And remember Extended Stay Hotels. So I guess it worked. Kinda.

Speaking of commercials that are awesome, here's the extended version of the Gates/Seinfeld/Microsoft commercial in case you haven't seen it somehow. It's well worth the watch.

3 Seemingly Unrelated Things

Posted by Ross

ITEM 1:
First and foremost, this post is about a TV show: Burn Notice. I just started watching it on hulu. Unfortunately all of season 1 expires tomorrow I think, so go ahead and catch an episode or two at that link. It's currently in season 2, from which episodes are coming and going on hulu. Here's a few promo clips. I'd embed some of the show, but it won't be available much longer. I think they are trying to reincarnate MacGyver (my childhood hero). If that's not enough they've got Bruce Campbell and a Gabriell Anwar (obligatory hot chick) supporting him.

Spot a Liar


Get Promoted


Burglar Proof Your Home


While going through those clips I just found out Tricia Helfer has been added to the show. I'm a fan of hers because she's in one of my favorite shows (Battlestar Galactica) and is also building a really cool off the grid green home in Canada. That's what I'd do if I had that kind of money, right after I bought a ton of booze.

Item 2:
Ninja Cat. It's a very popular clip that has been making its rounds on the net.



Item 3:
The national threat advisory level is currently yellow- with the aviation industy at orange. You stay vigilant America.

I leave it as an exercise to the reader to find the relation between these three items.

PS- incase you for got who Tricia Helfer or Gabrielle Anwar was.

Tina Fey is Sarah Palin [Hulu]

Posted by Royalcow

Slow day here on IR, but that gives me an excuse to post this awesome video. I actually saw a clip of this on CNN today (you think with the whole collapse of major investment firms and a hurricane they would have more to report on). In any case I present Tina Fey as Sarah Palin.

See the following picture for evidence of how much they actually do look alike.

College Football Lives Here [9/13/08]

Posted by Double M & ADMohr




At the risk of burying what Google Analytics tells me is our most popular post ever (although, I'm fairly certain like half of our hits from yesterday are us checking to see where we rank in the poll), I've got another new feature for IR that I wanted to introduce to you.

If you've read me for a while, you know that I watch a lot of football. A lot. My Saturdays are shot with college football and I pitched in to get NFL Sunday Ticket so I can watch every football game on Sunday. And the crazy thing is: there are other people like me. One of them is my good friend AdMohr. You may remember Mohr from the Skeet Thrower Drafts. You can now find him spending minutes trying to see how he can say as much as he wants to say in 140 characters on Twitter under the name ADMohr.

So Mohr and I decided to take a look at a few games that interest us from this weekend, give you our picks (spread based in case you wanted to go gamble*), and then we'll keep track of our records throughout the year. Even if you don't like college football, you should enjoy this because Mohr will actually teach you something about football and I will just make fun of stuff. So without further ado - here's our picks.

A brief gambling side note: If you've never read spreads they work like this: If a team has a + next to it (for instance, +3.5), Vegas expects that team to lose by 3.5 points. Obviously, the other team in the game would then be favored to in by 3.5 points. If a team has a - next to it (for instance, -3.5), Vegas expects that team to win by 3.5 points (with the converse being true for the other team). As a bettor, you can bet that the winning team will cover the spread (win by as many or more points as the spread) or that the losing team will cover the spread (meaning that they lose by less points than the spread or win the game outright). You just learned something.

Records:

MM: 0 - 0
ADMohr: 0 - 0

Kansas (+3.5) @ South Florida; 7:00 PM Friday ESPN GAME OF THE WEEK WOOT WOOT

ADMohr: What a great matchup between two teams whose defenses look very strong. UCF didn't have a drive greater than 38 yards in the entire game that they nonetheless brought to overtime against the Bulls. Each defense will be challenged by a pretty good offense that hung up over 500 yards last week. I'm picking KU to beat the spread just because I can't find anything other than a complete push for this outcome.

MM: Kansas's head coach is pictured to the right. Would you pick against that guy? I sure wouldn't. At least not early in the season. Kansas isn't as good as they were last year, but they still can beat up mediocre teams. And it just so happens that South Florida looks mediocre - especially on offense. Kansas covers and wins outright.

Nevada (+26.5) @ Missouri; 11:30 AM FSN (Thanks, Ike!)

ADMohr: Mizzou rang it up and then called it a day insanely quickly last week which makes looking at their stat line completely irrelevant, but the Illini advanced w/ ease against the Mizzou defense two weeks ago, and Nevada just rung it up against Texas Tech last week to the tune of almost 500 yards. I think Nevada will keep it close for just long enough to beat the spread and make some people see the score and turn the game on to see Mizzou win the game. What's that? Oh that's right, they should already be watching because the other games at 11:30 are complete sh*t.

MM: Last year Nebraska played Nevada and we beat the hell out of them. Last year Nebraska was also a really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really bad team. Really bad. Later last year, Missouri beat Nebraska by more than 27 points. I know that was last year, but there's no way Nevada got that much better. Missouri wins by a lot and covers the spread because they are trying to get Chase "Douchebag" Daniels the Heisman. Side note: here's my favorite Chase Daniels video.

ECU (-13) @ Tulane 2:00 PM
ADMohr: Someone, televise this game. Why? Because Tulane beats the spread with a big letdown for ECU and what's actually a pretty good Tulane defense. Don't worry about Skip Holtz though, (in case you somehow were able to avoid the fact that Skip Holtz is the HoTtEsT coach of the hot up and coming coaches hot hawt haught) because ECU wins the game.

MM: Quick - if you don't follow college football (or even if you do), tell me what ECU stands for. You don't know do you. Me either. Just kidding it's actually Eastern Carolina University. And their mascot is the Pirates. And they are in purple so they are like pimp pirates. They beat a decent West Virginia Inbred Mountaineers team last week and I think they win and cover the spread this week.

Georgia (-7) @ South Carolina 2:30 PM CBS

ADMohr: The SC defense has proven to be pretty competent against Vandy and NCST, but the skill position players that UGA is bringing to Columbia are far greater than anything on either one of those teams. Still, even if the SC defense can neutralize the UGA offense, there just isn't much hope in terms of the SC offense that will likely be missing it's main downfield threat in wideout McKinley. Expecting one of those closer-in-score-than-in-reality affairs for much of the game, and Georgia to win and cover the spread.

MM: South Carolina is coached by a guy with the nickname "Ol' Ball Coach." It turns out that old school style football doesn't win much right now and South Carolina is coming off of a loss to Vanderbilt. You should never lose to Vandy. Georgia wins and covers.

Georgia Tech (+6.5) @ Virginia Tech 2:30 PM

ADMohr: That GT was able to win in an ugly game @BC while VT scoots by what's not supposed to be a great FCS team in Furman (LOL @ 68 passing yards) is enough to make me think that GT beats the spread and wins in another ugly, awful ACC game.

MM: If you are not a fan of Georgia Tech or Virginia Tech, you should not be watching this game. The ACC (the conference these two teams play in) is probably the worst in college football. If you do watch this game, take a shot every time they tell you how much Frank Beamer (VT's coach) works with his special teams. Not only will the 2nd quarter be more enjoyable, but you will be passed out by the middle of the 3rd quarter which is better for you anyway, and you won't have to see VT win and cover.

Michigan (-1.5) @ Notre Dame 2:30 NBC

ADMohr: Michigan won't be able to run the ball, even against Notre Dame, and frankly it's hard to know what to make out of Notre Dame on either side of the ball after one ugly game. It's tempting to swing towards Michigan purely because of the quality of opponent that Utah is looking like it could be – but a closer look at that game shows a game that Michigan was completely out of until two late-game, short-field scoring drives. When the Michigan offense doesn't work, it doesn't work at all and it won't have enough success even to beat the lowly domers. Notre Dame beats the spread and wins game.

MM: There is one team in college football that I never mind watching lose - even if they get blown the F out: Notre Dame. This will actually be a good game, but only because both teams suck. Michigan is up by 10 in the 3rd quarter but then Charlie Weis mistakes the football for a Hershey's bar, eats it, and the game is called. Michigan wins and covers. Who's Charlie Weis you ask? He's Notre Dame's coach and here's a video about him.

UCLA (+8) @ BYU; 2:30 PM Versus (Versus??? Argh.)

ADMohr: I really have no idea what to make out of UCLA's performance against Tennessee so I'm picking BYU to win and cover in this one purely because I believe that BYU overcame a big psychological barrier (cringe – sportswriter talk, I know) last week in getting its BCS-confernce road win, however disputable the ending might be. But this one is in the salt and polygamy of Utah, so I sense we're going to see a different LA team this week.

MM: If there's one thing I learned about living in Austin is that if there's a Mormon punter on a team, they always cover. Actually, I have no clue if that's true or not, I just made it up. I do think BYU covers the spread but UCLA seems like that team that wins a lot of lucky games (plus BYU used all their luck last week) so they actually win.

New Mexico State (+25.5) @ Nebraska 6:00 PM

ADMohr: Yikes. Pretty high flying passing offense with an established qb comes into Lincoln to test a defense that gave up over 350 yards to San Jose State last week. The Nebraska offense should be the saving grace for the Huskers, but they were so dreadful enough in quarters 2 and 3 last week that one needs to be considerably worried about the outcome of this one if Ganz and company don't keep up. New Mexico State beats the spread but loses the game, probably not by much.

MM: FYI: I will attend this game and I guarantee you that I will get in for $10 or less (and I won't even have to perform any lewd acts!). Nebraska looked awful last week, but apparently Vegas doesn't get pay per view because they still set the line at 25.5. No way Nebraska loses this game but no way they cover either. Nebraska wins by like 17 in another ugly game. Also, for those of you that are interested, I've included Nebraska's 2008 tunnel walk below. It's kinda mediocre.

SMU (+36.5) @ Texas Tech 6:00 PM FSN

ADMohr: The BET YOUR LIFE ON IT BET OF THE WEEK. Don't get me wrong, Tech wins this game, probably pretty easily. But Tech's defense so far has proven to be a complete pushover, and despite the fact that SMU probably won't even try to run the ball, they're still going to find success against the Tech D and as such, there's just no way Tech covers to the tune of 37 points. Which means that everyone at this game, in addition to having to deal with the unfortunate fact that they're in Lubbock, will also have to sit through about a 6 hour game. This is FSN's early AND late game for Saturday night. So believe it, I just told you to bet your life on June Jones and a team that went 1-11 last year.

MM: Doens't June sounds like a girl's name? I would have considered June as a girl's name except that it's against my rule of naming my child after a day/month/year/holiday. There's like 2 places where the name June works as a dude's name and one of them is Hawaii. Unfortunately June left his job in Hawaii to take a job at a struggling SMU club. I don't get it. As for the game: Tech is almost always rated really high and always disappoints. They will win but not by 37 points. SMU covers the spread.

Oklahoma (-20.5) @ Washington; 6:30 PM ESPN

ADMohr: You kind of have to feel for Ty Willingham because when the guy needs a win to save his job, he starts the season with Oregon, BYU and OU consecutively. Oregon and BYU had their way offensively with UW and I don't see any reason to expect probably the best team of these 3 to see anything different. OU covers the spread and wins.

MM: Don't worry little crying dude - it's not a bowl game so you can't pick against Oklahoma yet! How is Oklahoma only expected to win by 20.5 when Nebraska is favored by 25.5? I don't get it. Oklahoma is the second best team in the NCAA at this point and they should win and cover easy.


Ohio State (+10.5) @ Southern Cal 7:00 PM ABC

ADMohr: The presumed outcome and spread that everyone's talking about. It seems like the overriding discussion keeps coming back to one thought – that the only reason that Ohio State keeps this within 10 or 11 points is because Vegas knows something the rest of the casual watching public doesn't. The Buckeyes assembled an awesome line of less than 100 yds defense and almost 500 yds offense against one of the better FCS teams, but then the Franky Franks held their own offensively with a backup qb and Boeckman and company looked completely incompetent of putting any game away, ever. My feelings are that the spread is indicative of an expected regression by Sanchez and the young SC offense against what is supposed to be a better defense than UVA, but the bottom line is that the SC defense is far too good and experienced to let what looks like an average Big Ten offense come in and accomplish anything more than a couple scores at most. So I don't care how conventional the conventional thinking is – SC covers and wins the game. By my judgment, picking anything otherwise is based on the expectation of seeing something very different that we haven't seen out of either team over their combined 3 games.

MM: "The Collision at the Coliseum." Kirk Herbstreit has been walking around with a boner for 4 months thinking about this game. Unfortunately, everyone realized Ohio State sucks, USC is the best team in college football and this game is going to be a blowout. Now ABC/ESPN is trying to hype it up but you can tell that no one thinks it will be a good game. Besides if you almost lose to Frank Solich, there's no way I can pick you to hang with USC. USC wins/covers/destroys Herbie's soul. And since I have nothing else to add, here's a gratutitous video of the USC cheerleaders.

Wisconsin (-1.5) @ Fresno State; 9:30 PM ESPN2

ADMohr: I thought Marshall would at least cover last week but Blielema's team responded with 51 on the board and Alan Evridge came out in a big way when I had assumed he might be a liability for this team. This may be a little reactionary to the Fresno performance versus a Rutgers team that did not look very last night, but I'm thinking Wisconsin is the better team with more offensive firepower, and they win and cover the spread.

MM: Did you know Alan Everidge is from Nebraska? He almost went to Nebraska but then Solich got fired and he began a crazy process that eventually landed him as the starter in Wisconsin. Nutso. In any case, Wisconsin wins and covers because all their fans will be wasted Fresno always tries to play with the big boys but they can never quite get it done.

Have a good weekend and don't forget to check out the Will Ferrell draft and vote in the poll.

* And by gambling I mean, betting yourself things like push ups or toothpicks. Betting is totally illegal. Unless you are in Vegas - in which case you should bet away. But not using our lines. We just do this for fun.