After Dark: Ackbar Attack

Posted by Double M



Even if you've never seen Star Wars, most of you know who Admiral Ackbar is (or have at least heard someone yell his famous line). For those of you that don't know, here's a video featuring Admiral Ackbar.

Well, College Humor created an animated version of a talk show hosted by Admiral Ackbar. It gets moderately dicey near the end, so I threw it here in the After Dark so you can enjoy it this weekend.

Paranoid but Somewhat Practical Advice

Posted by MajorLB

I travel somewhat regularly and DoubleM has been traveling a lot recently so I thought I would share some sensible travel advice. I know DoubleM could write a book on what NOT to do on planes or in airports. Then this morning as I was driving to work this song by XX Teens came on the radio.

Now, I don't know what the hell is going on in this video, but listen to the words. They're obviously a bit more paranoid than the average person and focused on the terror aspect, but the basic advice is there. Americans are stereotypically loud, so shut up if you don't want to be noticed. Don't check your luggage, but that doesn't mean you can still pack a huge bag and then drag it onto the plane, asshole. Spend as little time in an airport as possible, forget terrorist attacks - who want to be surrounded by other traveling idiots longer than necessary.

XX Teens - How To Reduce The Chances Of Being A Terror Victim
Video Codes at www.roxwel.com

An open letter to abc.com

Posted by Ross



Dear abc.com,

You suck.  I don't want to dwell on how much you suck, so I will briefly tell you why you suck.  First and foremost you break one of the most important rules of websites.  You make sound without you asking me to.  Youtube, liveleak, metacafe, sites like these are the only ones that get a break on this rule.  This is because people follow links directly to a video that they expect to make noise.  Please note that the main pages of these sites are silent, as every website should be.  It's like a speak when spoken to thing.  That's just a precursor to the real issue here, it all has to do with watching videos on your site.  The following is why your video player sucks.

• It opens in a new window, completely unnecessary
• Fullscreen isn't really fullscreen, that progress bar hangs at the bottom.
• You only work in IE, Firefox and Safari 
• The volume control is wonky
• You have to click off the ads to get back to a program you are trying to watch

In short, you are not hulu.  Go take a look at hulu.com for an example of how to do things. You're lucky you have Lost.

What If Will Smith Was Gansta?

Posted by Royalcow



I never really had anything more than a passing interest in Fresh Prince when I was a kid, but I rediscovered it in high school and watched reruns constantly. That is when I wasn't watching the Simpsons or Monty Python. As much as I liked the intro, I think this one is much better. NSFW audio, so get out those headsets.

Thanks again to Dave and Thomas for this one.

Capitalize on Obama? Yes We Can!

Posted by Double M




Look, I like many of you, are worn out of politics/Obama already. So, knowing full well that I've already lost like 3/4ths of our (already limited) readership, I ask you to stick with me today because I'm not really here to talk about Obama.

In fact, since you've made it this far, here's a brief look into my life (it isn't really a reward, but take it or leave it). When I was in grad school, for whatever reason, I couldn't fall asleep before 3am. After going like 10 seasons deep into Madden 2006, I needed something else to do - so I turned to infomercials. There was one in particular where some hombre was trying to convince me to buy all of the state quarters, plus a lot of other bonus crap. I couldn't really tell you what it was about, because that thing could knock me out faster than 3 Tylenol PM.

I've looked for that video all over the internet (especially since PlayMania went off the air), but I've never been able to find it. But now I've found something featuring the coin seller guy (and a special bonus guest!).

H/T: Everything Is Terrible

That's right, the one and only Montel Williams everybody! You can tell, he's trying to be serious but it is just such a ridiculous thing. That guy just told you to buy something and keep it in its original packaging! Who is going to do that? Awful.

Of course, not to be outdone, the Obama plate people stepped to the...plate.

There are so many delicious things in that video. The vote (including the undecided votes!) on the plate. The ridiculous opening. But the dad-guy - I want to punch him in the face for looking at the plate while he is probably writing a letter to his country club asking them to tighten entrance requirements.

All that said, if you own one of those Obama plates (or the coins), please post your address in the comments or send it to my email (it is in the sidebar!). Please.

My theory on the LOST smoke monster

Posted by Ross

h/t to TYWKIWDBI

Ninja Cat Attacks!

Posted by Royalcow



Yes another cat video. Ross posted the original ninja cat video previously (and created a ninja cat tag, which is awesome), but now ninja cat has given up stalking and has taken to violence.

You can thank our friends over at Dave and Thomas for this one.

People Sure Do Like Sampling from Motown

Posted by Double M




I'm fairly certain that what took hip-hop to next level in the late 90's was sampling of music from the 70's and 80's. Puff Daddy was the king of sampling, but if you look at the track credits for a lot of popular songs from that time (and even now for that matter) use some portion of a previous song somewhere. I'm pretty sure the entire Jamie Foxx cd was just a motown rip-off. Hell, there's even a blog out there right now (Hip Hop Is Read - its in our blog roll) that can give you an idea of all the samples in most new popular hip-hop cds.

But these guys...they're not sampling. Their just re-imaging.

How can they say performing it "like only The Blenders can"? That's like saying we're better than Motown or whomever made your soul music. Not since Eminem has a white guy so blatantly taken this music.

But really, I'm not mad - it is just good for a laugh.

Have a good week.

Poodle Ninja Turtle

Posted by Royalcow



If you are at all a fan of this blog you should know our fondness for TMNT. I think I speak for most of us when I say that the Ninja Turtles were a large part of most of our childhoods (except for maybe MajorLB). Apparently we have nothing on this lady.


I think the best part of this photo is that the lady seems to be saying, "Yeah, so what? I dyed and shaved my poodle to look like Leonardo. You want to fight about it?"

Where the hell is IR?

Posted by Double M




IR has been a little quiet over the last couple of days. You may be wondering why this is the case (maybe, maybe not, who knows). Well, here's a quick summary:

I've been traveling (and will be a lot for the next 2 weeks)
Royalcow's been getting married
Wheezy's been getting engaged and starting a new job
Ross has been working some crazy-ass job until his new job starts
MajorLB has been trying not to get fired.

So, all things considered, a pretty busy few weeks for us. But we'll be back - next week there should be a whole bunch of good stuff from me. Beleeee dat.

Anyway, this made me laugh...probably because it is so preposterous.

Watch that things multiple times - I think it gets better every time.

H/T: Videogum

POP QUIZ HOT SHOT

Posted by Ross



OK, I've been meaning to post for a while, but I've been pretty busy/lazy/tired/drunk, whatever you want to call it.  I guess I have to respond to the Royalcow's LOL cat.  I'll try and undo the effects of lolcats on society's intelligence with a little geography lesson.  Actually it's going to be another one of those quizzes, but I thought I'd throw a little lesson at you first, via Venn Diagrams.

And now for the quiz (click map to follow link to jetpunk):

I went 30/45, How'd you do?  Did you need the freebies I gave you?

Om nom nom nom cat

Posted by Royalcow



Well, I am back on the internets now after a brief vacation, so I thought I would post this video I saw while trying to catch up on my reader. It's very nearly a lolcat, so maybe this will force Ross to post as well.

Oh screw it. Here's a bonus lolcat.

Troll Toll

Posted by Double M




If you don't know, our boy DWheezy is making a cross country trip right now so he asked me to post a video for him.

I'm not sure if you watch It's Always Sunny In Philidelphia, but you really should. You can watch all the episodes on Hulu. Well, in this season's finale, The Nightman Cometh the gang performs a musical and one of the most ridiculous scenes was this one.

Well, some kids reenacted that scene and it turns out like this:

There are so many things wrong with this world...

5 Minute Fix: Gnarls Barkley + Jorma

Posted by MajorLB




You may not know who Lonely Island is, but I'm pretty sure you've seen their well known stuff. Watch Jorma, of Lonely Island, in this Gnarls Barkley music video. Most of the time I dislike music videos that have a lot of talking and extra stuff, but in this instance it's pretty awesome.

Did you know who that girl was?

Posted by MajorLB




This is way old news, but I just made the connection so I'm sharing the random fact with you.


Remember this Gym Class Heroes song? You know you sang along to it - don't pretend you didn't. Well there's a cute girl in the video that he ends up with.

Cut to a couple years later and that girl is...

Bonus video:
Travis McCoy (of Gym Class Heroes and former Katy Perry boyfriend) dicusses joining Nappy Boy and how many dicks voltron would have.

5 Minute Fix: Freestyle Rap Translated

Posted by Double M



If you have ever gone to a freestyle, you know that there are some pretty straight forward things that are said in each freestyle - especially the first one. You can pretty well predict what is coming.

This video not only gives you insight into what is said, it presents this info in plain English so that you can fully understand the generalities spoken in a generic freestyle battle.

I used to read rap lyrics in straight faced in lieu of giving reports in some meetings during college. Now I wished I had done some form of translation as well.

H/T: My boy Justin

5 Minute Fix: God Shit

Posted by Double M



This video made me laugh a lot. It's from the Seth Comedy videos I posted previously.

I can only hope that our very own Royalcow's wedding turned out better than this over this past weekend (congrats man!).

What the Hell Happened to Kelly Clarkson?

Posted by Double M




I have a very simple question to ask? What the hell happened to Kelly Clarkson?

WTF is that? That dress is horrible (and its pretty clear that she's let her figure go (NSFW?)). This is all part of a bigger picture: Kelly Clarkson obviously doesn't give a shit what the record labels or her managers tell her.

Of course, this would seem like a bigger deal if it weren't for monumental collapses (and ongoing rebounds) from Ms. Spears and Ms. Lohan (PG-13 NSFW). But as American Idol approaches, I thought it would be good to take a look back at American Idol's first champ, Kelly Clarkson. Let's start at what I consider the peak of Kelly Clarkson:

I will admit, I knew know all of the words to that song. It was a party jam when I was in grad school (trust me, you've never been at a good college party until a bunch of people stop playing tippy cup to yell out the chorus of this song). Since this song though? It has been all downhill for Miss Clarkson.

Why? Well, Kelly, used to be hot, but she started going raven on us, making one too many trips to the buffet line with Fat Mo'Nique. Just look at that pic on the left: a little bit of hot mixed with a little bit of crazy = just the right kind of chica.

Apparently, though, she let crazy start taking over. She's always bitched at her record label, but last year it got to a new high (low?) and, combined with the moderately scary (unrelated link attack!) look she's been rocking lately, its put her in a position where the record company doesn't want to market her, which she's apparently cool with since she thinks she can do it better herself.

Ultimately, I think this probably points back to American Idol. I can't name all of the winners although I know quite a few of them have significantly less than successful. Taylor Hicks? What's he reduced to? Singing the National Anthem at Nascar? Question mark attack? Yep, doing real well.

I have no clue whether Kelly will get her shit together - she has a new album coming out in March, so we'll probably get our answer soon - all I know is that I want my old Kelly Clarkson back (since Avril flipped shit, I've got no other guilty pleasure music left). Either way, she's probably got a career as a Neil Diamond karaoke singer if she wants it.

After Dark: Lady Gaga Just Dance

Posted by Double M




Lady Gaga was on the Jay Leno show on Thursday. I had never seen Lady Gaga before and I was pretty sure her performance was actually a joke. Apparently, it wasn't.

What do you call the playing the keyboard on some dude's feet move? These are the things that need to be answered.

After Dark: Hot Ass Smacking Action

Posted by Double M



The no-homo male-on-male ass smack during sports is one of the weirdest, funniest phenomenons in all of sports. Don't know what I'm talking about? Well, there's been some good ones from the Favre this year. For instance, here's Favre getting (former?) Jets Wide Receiver coach Noel Mazzone.

Here's Favre getting some return action. In the form of butt slapping.

The reaction is always the best part. Its not really a pat anymore - its more or less like getting a swat from your dad. Unless you're Wally Szczerbiak.

Anyway, the whole point of this post was to share this video from the NCAA championship game this past week. Some guys caught Percy Harvin slapping head coach Urban Meyer's butt during the game. And they seemed to enjoy it...perhaps a bit too much.

H/T: EDSBS

5 Minute Fix: Indian Thriller

Posted by MajorLB





I don't really have anything to say about this video. It is what it is, which is mostly hilarious.


Link to original for reference.

Bowl Game Bonanza: Thursday, January 8th

Posted by Double M




This post is part of a series of posts entitled Bowl Game Bonanza Did you know that there are a bazillion bowl games? Well there are. And here at IR I am going to give you a quick breakdown of each game so that you know who is playing in the bowl, what channel and time the game is on (all times CST), and why you would or wouldn't want to watch the game.

Well, it is time for the National Championship game, although thanks to USC looking decent (and the Pac-10 not sucking in the bowl games) and Utah going undefeated, this game is only kinda the NC game. I guess it is more like the Mythical brand this time again.

On to the bonanza:

BCS National Championship: Florida (-4) vs. Oklahoma (FOX, 7pm)
Location: Miami Gardens, FL, Dolphin Stadium (Orange Bowl)
Announcers: Thom Brennaman, Charles Davis

I originally spent a lot of time breaking this game down. Then I realized that there are a lot better breakdowns at places like Every Day Should Be Saturday and The Wiz of Odds. So, instead, here's my four sentence take on this game:

OU has an NFL caliber O-line and D-line. Florida has the best college QB in the game and a go to play that has only been stopped once all year. If OU's o-line can give Bradford time and their d-line can prevent Florida from making the defense need to guess too much, OU will win. If not, Florida will win.

Anyway, if you're at the game, try to find this guy. I'm pretty sure you'd have a good time with him.

Verdict: The best d-line OU faced all year was from Texas and they lost that game. Cue this girl.

But I actually think their line has gotten way better since that game, so OU pulls this one out (they at least cover).
Regretometer: Look, its the national championship game. It should be good and you're gonna watch it anyway. Going into it, it is a 0 on the regretometer.

That's it - no more Bowl Game Bonanzas.

All announcer information brought to you courtesy of Awful Announcing.

Master of the Intermist

Posted by Double M




If you've learned one thing about me from Immediate Regret its that I love the internets. In fact, my wife likes to call me master of the internet, like its a put down or something. Here's an actual quote from my wife this past weekend:

If we ever get divorced, it is going to be due to the internet.

I, of course, told her it is pronounced internets. That's real talk right there.

People do ask how I got so good at the internets, and normally I'll tell them I just spent a week in the internet one night. But the truth is I took a mastering the internets class, and, for the first time ever, I'm prepared to reveal my source to you.

I don't think Dale Cassennigan Jr. knew what was coming when he let me take one of his classes. After one class I was dominating him on AngelFire, but he brought the heat with his e-commerce website on Geocities.

Years later, the student has become the master. The only thing Dale has on me now is that sweet, sweet molestache.

Bowl Game Bonanza: Tuesday, January 6th

Posted by Double M




This post is part of a series of posts entitled Bowl Game Bonanza Did you know that there are a bazillion bowl games? Well there are. And here at IR I am going to give you a quick breakdown of each game so that you know who is playing in the bowl, what channel and time the game is on (all times CST), and why you would or wouldn't want to watch the game.

After last night's great game between Texas and Ohio State (including a comment from a "Dave Hasselhoff" on the Bowl Game Bonanza post, are you ready for another bowl game? Well, tonight you're going to get an interesting match up, coming straight to you from Mobile, AL.

On to the bonanza:

GMAC Bowl: Ball State (+2.5) vs. Tulsa (ESPN, 7pm)
Location: Mobile, AL, Ladd-Peebles Stadium
Announcers: Dave Pasch, Andre Ware

This is actually a decent bowl game for being a non-bcs game between two teams that no one really cares about. Ball State went 12-0 and then lost to Turner Gill's Buffalo team in the MAC championship. Meanwhile Tulsa lost 3 games but actually had a decent season. Unfortunately, you probably don't really care, so here's a video featuring Robocop and some chicken tenders. Oh yeah, its from Japan.

Verdict: I'm gonna say Ball State covers the spread on this one - they should have beaten Buffalo but had the worst game of their life.
Regretometer: It could be a great game, but you don't care. 4 on the Regretometer.

These things have really deteriorated haven't they?

Look for Bowl Game Bonanzas everyday there's a bowl game.

All announcer information brought to you courtesy of Awful Announcing.

Both videos today via Arbroath

Super Broker Shuffle [Old White Rap]

Posted by Double M




Probably close to 90% of you have seen the 1985 Chicago Bear's Super Bowl Shuffle. In case you haven't and don't know, the Bears recorded this music video before they won the Super Bowl that year. I'm sure at the time it was awesome, but now it is just awesome to laugh at. Here's the full video - it is 7 minutes long, so you can skip it and come back later if you want.

Why am I bringing this up? Because I just saw an awesome video called the Super Broker Shuffle. In what I can only assume was inspired by the Bears music video, this commercial is awesome and well worth your four minutes. This video features all kinds of old, white guys rapping and is clearly at the root of white hip-hop. I'm surprised we've never seen it before considering Eminem, Bubba Sparxxx, and Vanilla Ice all consider this their main inspiration*.

Good times.

* False. Although it might be true for Bubba Sparxxx.

Bowl Game Bonanza: Monday, January 5th

Posted by Double M




This post is part of a series of posts entitled Bowl Game Bonanza Did you know that there are a bazillion bowl games? Well there are. And here at IR I am going to give you a quick breakdown of each game so that you know who is playing in the bowl, what channel and time the game is on (all times CST), and why you would or wouldn't want to watch the game.

Its the 2nd to last BCS game and the 3rd to last bowl game. Also, as a bonus, today will be one of the last days that you'll have to hear a Texas fan whine about how they got screwed out of the national title game (even if they did) until next season Thursday.

On to the bonanza:

Fiesta Bowl: Ohio State (+8) vs. Texas (FOX, 7pm)
Location: Phoenix, AZ, University of Phoenix Stadium
Announcers: Matt Vasgersian, Tim Ryan, Laura Okmin, Chris Myers

Honestly, this bowl game is all that is wrong the bowl system. Texas deserves a shot at the national title (maybe not over Florida and Oklahoma, but at least a shot) and there is no way Ohio State deserves to be in a BCS game (honestly, the Big Ten was atrocious and is 1-5 this year in bowls) but because they won with a weak schedule and the bowls are all about money, this is the game we get. I'm pretty sure the BCS people don't care about whether we get good football. And they probably go home at the end of the day and do this.

Verdict: Texas wins and covers. It seems like 2002 was the last time that Ohio State showed up in a big non-conference game. I'm fairly certain the game will turn out like this.

Regretometer: Shouldn't be too great of a game, but there's no more Monday Night Football, so watch it. 3 on the Regretometer.

Look for Bowl Game Bonanzas everyday there's a bowl game.

All announcer information brought to you courtesy of Awful Announcing.

Both videos today via Arbroath

5 Minute Fix: Super Mario 3 Drums

Posted by Royalcow



Saw this today over on Kotaku and just couldn't resist posting it. Being a band and video game nerd this really got me smiling. Just wish I could play drums.

Have a good day!

Bowl Game Bonanza: Saturday, January 3rd

Posted by Double M




This post is part of a series of posts entitled Bowl Game Bonanza Did you know that there are a bazillion bowl games? Well there are. And here at IR I am going to give you a quick breakdown of each game so that you know who is playing in the bowl, what channel and time the game is on (all times CST), and why you would or wouldn't want to watch the game.

There is a really, really exciting game today. I know when the bowl schedules came out, I marked this one down. To be honest, when I saw that this was the only bowl game of the day, I almost didn't do a post because its happening in Canada at a place called the Rogers Centre. "Centre?" Really? That's just annoying.

On to the bonanza:

International Bowl: Buffalo (+6) vs. Connecticut (ESPN2, 11am)
Location: Canada (Toronto), Rogers Centre
Announcers: John Saunders, Jesse Palmer, Doug Flutie

Big time announcing crew for this game with John Saunders (Flutie and Palmer aren't that great, I guess). Anyway, this is Buffalo's logo:



I had no clue their logo was actually that good. That's one of the best logos in the NCAA.

Verdict: On the basis of that logo alone (and Turner Gill), I'm picking Buffalo.
Regretometer: Not so good - it's a 4.5 on the Regretometer.

Look for Bowl Game Bonanzas everyday there's a bowl game.

All announcer information brought to you courtesy of Awful Announcing.

Why I Liked Transporter 3 (or not)

Posted by Royalcow




Transporter 3 has been out for awhile, and I actually saw it quite some time ago as well, but now that it isn't in the theaters anymore I thought I would review it for you guys so you can know if you should rent it on DVD. I'm helpful like that. Here's the trailer:

I have to admit I tend to like pretty much anything Stathman is in. Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels really got me hooked on the guy. But I'm not sure there is really anything good to talk about here. The movie was pretty terrible. There weren't many action sequences, way too much talking, and the female lead (Natalya Rudakova) couldn't act worth a damn. Check out the IMDB link. Yes that's right Transporter 3 is her only credit.

I think the reason why I was able to make it through the movie was cause Wheezy and I playing a drinking game at the Alamo Draft House where we drank anytime something ridiculous happened. We quickly ran out of beer. I know I might have recommended seeing this movie rather than seeing Twilight, but I hope you didnt take my advice. Oh and no crap after credits.

So instead of talking any more about this, here is the trailer for Crank 2. Be warned this is ridiculously NSFW. If you didn't see the first Crank do so. Again NSFW.