Double M's Life Rules #5: Rules for Tobacco

Posted by Double M



Cigarettes and chewing are gross but cigars can be awesome in the correct setting.

Here's something you should know pretty well by now: smoking and chewing will eventually lead to cancer. You shouldn't do it because you don't want to die.

One time in your life you'll end up kissing a girl whose mouth literally tastes like ass. You'll wonder what the hell died in her mouth until you see the pack of Virginia slims in her purse and realize that she's just growing death inside of her mouth/body each time she smokes. At this point, unless you want puke in your mouth every time you kiss this girl, you should get the F out.

I'm not going to even discuss chewing. Smoking cigarettes is very white trash and chewing might be worse. If the thought of putting glass and death in your mouth isn't enough to convince you not to chew, just check out these images.

So what is the difference between cigarettes and cigars? Both of them can cause cancer. Both of them leave your clothes smelling like ass the next day. Both of them will have you wake up feeling like you swished shit if you don't brush your teeth before you go to bed (side note: always brush your teeth and use mouthwash after having a cigar).

I think the difference is in the use and perception. Cigarettes provide you a quick, cheap, and dirty way to get your tobacco (and other chemical) fix. Cigars are all about celebration and class. Go watch hip-hop music videos - when rappers want to show off, they have cigars not cigarettes.

Here's the real deal: look at people smoking. How many of them look happy that they are smoking? Not many. Now look at people smoking cigars - you'll be hard pressed to find people that aren't happy to be smoking. Celebration versus need.

So when are cigars acceptable? I don't have any hard and fast rules, but if you limit them to celebrations then you'll be ok.