Double M's Life Rules #23: Allow People to Change Friendship Levels

Posted by Double M




The Zombie rule: Understand that your friendships will change. If you don't, you are going to screw yourself

Remember back when I said there's three types of friends and that you should rock a small circle? If not, take a few seconds to read that post.

For those of you that are too lazy to do that, here's the summary:

1. Acquaintances - People you know but aren't really tied to you.
2. Friends - People that you love hanging out with and may count on. They can range from poor to awesome.
3. Inner circle - People you trust completely; your best friends

Ok, so now that you're caught up, allow me to introduce the Zombie rule. In almost every zombie movie, there's a pack of people that are escaping the zombies and after a brief scuffle with the zombies, one of the people gets infected. This means that they will become a zombie in the very near future and start devouring the group. This person almost always tries to hide this fact.

Of course, there isn't anything that person can do to prevent becoming a zombie and eventually other people in the group figure it out. Most of the time, this person is a relative/a best friend/really-valuable-to-the-group and this creates a dilemma: does the group let emotions get in the way and keep this person around, knowing that the longer this goes on, the bigger threat the infected person poses; or do they make the hard choice of cutting this person out because it is for the best?

The same analogy can be made with your friendship groups, specifically your inner circle. There will be times in your life where your best friends slowly (or quickly!) fade away. This can happen because of communication (maybe you move away and are bad at keeping in touch), or the person freaks out about something they shouldn't and burns you, or the person uses some info from a private chat to get you in trouble or further themselves. Maybe this person starts dating someone and suddenly doesn't make time for you. Hell, it could be as simple as this person not really wanting to hang out solo for whatever reason. There are more reasons than I have time to list (maybe I'll make an appendix to the book), but in general, it will be obvious.

Once the person has started to float out of your inner circle, you have a decision to make: do you keep them around or do you let move them out to the next tier.

In a zombie movie it is clear cut: kill the person (at least leave them behind). In real life, it is hazier. In the best case, the person will move themselves out of the group by virtue of screwing you too many times or just falling out of touch. More often, this person may be cool part of the time but have an occasional slip up. When this is the case, you can decide how much is too much and when you push them out of the inner circle. Just remember, if you try to hang on to someone that is screwing you over, or is too cool to hang out, or is getting into trouble (read: crime/serious drugs/etc), that person is going to eventually become a zombie and really screw you. Cutting them earlier may be hard, but it is often for the best.

The good news: just because you're removing someone from your inner circle doesn't mean they are out of your life completely. Some people have moved from my inner circle but are still really good friends - they just don't have the opportunity to actually screw me. This is better for some of those friends too because they know I'm not going to count on them as much, which lowers the burden on their life.

Double M's Life Rules #22: Define Your Success by the Success of Your Friends

Posted by Double M



While you can't only lift everyone else up, your life will be much better if you can partially define your success by helping others succeed

This is the Robert Horry rule. Unless you know the NBA (and, Braylon, by the time you read this, NBA history) you probably don't know Horry. Horry won 7 NBA championships, more than any other player in the modern era of basketball, but you probably don't know him. He was never the best player on the team, always overshadowed by players like Hakeem, Shaq, Kobe, Ginobili, and Duncan. Horry knew his role and he knew how to contribute when necessary.

However you measure it, Horry had a successful NBA career. But if you look at his individual accolades, you'll see that he was never an all-star or a NBA first-team (or any-team) guy. He just contributed and won.

Not everyone can win the MVP and Horry understood that. Horry was never about his own success - he understood his role within the team was happy helping other teammates earn their individual awards. I'm sure Horry could have complained his way onto a bad team where he had a chance to be the big shot, but to him it was more important to win, and he was willing to do whatever it took to win. Robert Horry was willing to define his own personal success by his teams' successes and helping other people achieve greatness.

At some point in your life you'll have the chance of being part of a team shooting for something bigger, and chances are you won't be the big shot on the team (remember rule #19 Someone is Going to be Better at Whatever You're Doing than You Are). When this happens, you'll have a simple question that you'll need to answer:

Can I define my successes by making other people successful?

If you can, chances are you'll be part of something great and you'll be a happier person too. If you can't, then be prepared to fight a battle to the top on your own.

Double M's Life Rules #21: Understand the Rules of Graph C

Posted by Double M




There are a few life rules that can be expressed mathematically. Understanding these graphs will help explain (and even predict) a lot of the craziness that happens in life.

Unfortunately, not all of the life rules can be written out for various reasons. This is one of those rules.

The graph below, Graph C, is one of the most important graphs you'll see in your life. It is purposely vague, because like all real valuable things, you'll have to work for it to completely enjoy it. There are definitely enough clues to make it obvious to those who know.



The beautiful thing about this graph is that it can convey different things to each person, but the underlying point remains the same. Once you understand this graph, it will act as a map to help you avoid potential land-mines both internally and externally.

In an effort to protect the meaning of this graph, I won't answer any questions about it in the comments. Feel free to text me or email me and I'll probably give you a sufficiently vague reply.